Isn't it funny how it seems to come and go in waves? Like I've said before, most of the time I'm fine and everything is going good-we are into "our lives" again, sort of how PfrogL explains it-we're just living...but then I 'step into the casino' (to coin PfrogL's analogy) and I'm right back to day one again.
Those darn triggers. I was watching a movie (My dog Skip) the other night-very late-I was supposed to be studying for a final...anyway, I've seen it before and gotten thru the sad part in the vets office, but this time I was a wreck. I started bawling-it was one of those from way deep within your soul kinds of cry. There wasn't one particular 'thing' wrong that I was crying about although I did feel an overwhelming sense of loss. I know completely what you mean about the loss you feel. It's exactly like what you said about how you know there is something you had, and now you don't. I don't know if it'll ever be the same.....
I wonder if this means I have not totally forgiven him? Perhaps, because I know I still harbor a great deal of resentment towards him. I doubt it'll ever be resolved-it's back to the whole resolution thing. I have learned to live with the fact that I will never have it to the level I desire. I am just too analytical to accept his "I don't know why I had an A" answer. The logical part of me knows that he probably doesn't know-but I betcha he has a dam good idea-at least a hint...and I also betcha he is once again trying to save my feelings and his butt (that's why he lied to me about A for almost a year). And it is unfortunate but I do not trust him implicitly-like I did before A...I don't think I ever will again. How sad.
Oh man I can feel the bitter creeping back in....I can't let it-I still have a bunch of stuff to tighten up 'round here and it's looking like I'm gonna have to work tomorrow too....yuck!
