Interesting what you say about strength and vulnerability and intimacy. I thought I was being "strong" in the past by NOT letting myself be too vulnerable with H -- all due to protecting myself from being hurt like I was hurt in my childhood.
So, because I was "strong" in the past with H and protected my vulnerability, that led to a certain lack of intimacy with H which H craved with me, which led him into A, which ended up with me being unimaginably hurt!! How ironic. Damn, I think I'm the stupid one .
I think there were times I also saw H's dependence on me as being weak. "Please don't need me so much. Please don't expect so much." In actuallity, he was being strong by being so vulnerable with me!! I think I let him down terribly in many respects, Andy. I need to let him know that.
![[Eek!]](images/icons/shocked.gif){kind=icon}
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