Of course you knew instinctively what had to be done. We have a lot more intuition than we think, and we lose confidence in our intuition when we’re blind-sided with the bomb. That’s one of the values of the bb. We get confirmation of what we already know.
I think the fact that considering his pain takes away from your own is caused by the realization that you’re in this together. You’re really on the same team. Just gotta get together on the game plan. Y’know?
Something struck me about what you and your MC agreed upon…
quote:Originally posted by matilda: I'll just keep trying. Like I told MC today (and he fully agreed), I'm the stronger one in this relationship. I guess it's up to me to heal us both.
You’re in control, that’s true. But don’t underestimate your H’s strength. Control and strength aren’t the same thing. You’ve alluded to it before in your posts… that the easy way out for your H would be to throw up his hands and give up. It would be easy for him to say, “I blew it. It can’t be fixed, so I guess it’s time for us to move on (separately). He’s showing a lot of intestinal fortitude by trying to work through his feelings.
About a year ago (May 24, 2001), I wrote a letter to my W. This is – in part – what I said:
quote:I depend on you more than any other person. But, that’s not a bad thing. You aren’t my whole life, and I have the strength to depend on you. Yes, it takes strength to depend on someone. In order to do that, one has to be aware that if something happens to take that person away, one has to be able to carry on, and eventually fill the gap left by that person’s absence. Yes, I’d stumble, but I wouldn’t fall.
I love you more than ever. You’re my best and closest friend. I want to grow old with you. Not by stifling either of our activities or friendships, but by nurturing ours.
I love you dearly.
Andy
I’ve ceded most of the control in my R to my W. Does that make me weak? I hafta tell you that it takes all of my strength sometimes. You’ve read my posts. You know it’s true. When I was in control of my R, it was easy. Did that take strength?
