Quote: I would rather have my old M (before the A) than no M. Does that make sense? If H was faithful to our M, I would still rather have him committed and in the M with the possibility of growing together and learning new things (getting un-stuck in some other way) than dealing with our current sitch.
Hmmm. Are you saying that you WOULD take back all that has happened? If so, then, at least for me, I disagree. I would not take this entire thing back because without it, I would not be making the changes I need to make in my life, for me OR my marriage. Would I rather not have had my W cheat on me, sure, but to give her credit, she really DID try to tell me how unhappy she was, and even how I could address that, or how I more specifically could address things about myself that had changed so much over the years. She really did try, and her pleas fell on deaf ears. It was only after the loud boom of the bombs falling that I managed to hear anything at all.
Now, if you are saying that you would rather GO BACK to the way the old M was, even if it meant repeating SOME of the same old mistakes that drove H and you apart, you would welcome that over no M at all, then I agree somewhat. I think that goes in line with saying that no matter how much we feel like the "old" M is back once we begin to reconcile, it will NEVER be the old M again simply because we are not the old partners we once were...and neither are they for better or worse.
Quote: Because he even admits I was "a great wife". I wasn't perfect. I did nag and worry and argue and get angry, and I have worked A LOT on that these past six months. But if I had really understood H was suffering and unhappy and there was something I could do about it, I would have worked hard to do it. I just wasn't understanding him, I guess. So I am a selfish person. I was "happy enough" as long as H was there. He was my dream come true, and I never lost sight of that, even when temporarily he was withdrawn from me and I was worried. It was temporary to me. Maybe that's why this had to happen. So I could learn to read all the signals I was missing in my little happy M bubble. And H could make sure he wasn't stuck in some forever hell. Oh, I don't like the way I was forced into growing (and what he did), but I am more grateful to H than I can say for the fact that the growing is happening.
Ok, so here, you seem to be saying that "no" you would not take back what happened but that you are now "grown" to the point where you could resist making those same mistakes again. Alas, it's that paradox mentioned earlier about how we finally know what we need to know and it's not useful in our current sitches...someday maybe, someday.
