GH Saga...it's all in my head?

[PositivelyListening]

Hi GH and StevieRay, I just want to comment about the work needed to discover what we didn't like about our M and what didn't work. I know what many of these things are, and have articulated them for myself. And new ones come up sometimes, which is all good, if my H ever wants to work on our M I will have things we need to work on to make it work for me.

Here's where I get stuck though. I would rather have my old M (before the A) than no M. Does that make sense? If H was faithful to our M, I would still rather have him committed and in the M with the possibilitiy of growing together and learning new things (getting un-stuck in some other way) than dealing with our current sitch. No matter how many things I think of about our M that needed tweaking, it just wasn't "that bad" IMHO. So H's step, that it was "that bad" for him that he had an A and is a WAS was such a hard pill to swallow. It has been much easier to accept that my H may be in MLC and out of his skull for a brief period. Because he even admits I was "a great wife". I wasn't perfect. I did nag and worry and argue and get angry, and I have worked A LOT on that these past six months. But if I had really understood H was suffering and unhappy and there was something I could do about it, I would have worked hard to do it. I just wasn't understanding him, I guess. So I am a selfish person. I was "happy enough" as long as H was there. He was my dream come true, and I never lost sight of that, even when temporarily he was withdrawn from me and I was worried. It was temporary to me. Maybe that's why this had to happen. So I could learn to read all the signals I was missing in my little happy M bubble. And H could make sure he wasn't stuck in some forever hell. Oh, I don't like the way I was forced into growing (and what he did), but I am more grateful to H than I can say for the fact that the growing is happening.