I see that a lot of people are once again questioning whether this whole DB thing works. The simple answer is YES, it works...if you make it work.
Let me ask you this. How many people have you seen on these boards REALLY apply DB to their sitches? And of those "good DBers" how many have made REAL progress in their sitches, to the point where they may just have a chance?
Now, how many people here fail, for whatever reason, to apply DB fully and struggle? How many people just can't really do it? Of those people who struggle with DB, how many of them are not making progress?
I don't ask these as rhetorical questions. Really, answer them for yourself.
DB is REALLY freaking hard, just like any technique that requires you to take responsibility for things that you've been happy to put off on someone else. DB asks us to pull ourselves out of our funk and take REAL control over our lives, something that is really hard for most of us to do, especially ME.
I never wanted to be in control over my own life. I always thought things were MUCH better when my W did that. SHE was the only thing that made me happy (and I actually told her so on many occasion). SHE made my life worth living (I actually told her life was not worth much without her). How pathetic is that? Maybe in the romantic world of being "in love" that my W seems to value so much, that's NOT pathetic, but in terms of the marriage she came to hate, it IS.
I just want to say that while all of you are fighting, some of you mistake fighting for progress. Progress is all about making changes and rejecting that which does not work. Progress in our sitches is 100% personal and only after that is embraced can it be any % about the relationship we are all so desperate to save.
I hope I haven't pissed anyone off, but I do hope I have made you think for a minute...have I really done all I can to save my marriage? Have I really applied the principals I read about in DB and elsewhere? If I don't understand what I am supposed to do after trying to do it and maybe falling short, do I ask more questions? Do I have faith in myself to do what I need to do?
I'm sorry to be so frustrated today but I see people giving up, and they THINK they're giving up on their marriages and spouses when they are really giving up on themselves.
You're all to good for that. ALL OF YOU. I know it feels right sometimes, but it's not. Don't ever accept failure when it comes to your power to change your life.
I believe in you, probably more than I believe in myself...that's a work in progress.
