Well, it's true, GAL DOES help. I had my first youth sports coaching experience last night. I got volunteered to coach S6's basketball team and it was a blast. I have also been really busy finishing up my wedding work from the past month or so and between all that, I have not had time to really fret about my sitch. Things are fine. No real change.
The only bits of news, one kinda bad and one kinda good, is that W told me last night that her change in drinking habits, i.e. cutting down a lot, were due to some stomach problems she was having and not for any philosophical reasons. Well, she said it was because of her stomach, I gathered the rest. We'll see what happens with that, but again, I choose not to make it a daily issue.
On a positive note, this morning I slid into bed on my way out to work and spooned with W a bit, scratching her back, and she gave me the little "I like that" moan she usually reserves for more intimate moments. Well, S6 was already up and on the other side of the bed so that's where it stopped, but that little bit of reaction was more than she's been giving me. As I left, I kissed her neck and said "see you later sexy." and walked out. She gave a little moan as I walked away...
GH, Isn't that a great way to start your day, with alittle moan from your W. I know that when my H does this I'm a happy camper all day long. Hope your W is to. Something she can keep in the back of her mind through out the day.
Thanks. I think so. It's nothing I have not done in the recent past, but this morning, I made an effort to get a little closer, touch her a little less "Platonic" and up the "ante" a little more. I guess she noticed.
Oh, and something I forgot to post yesterday...
As I'm sure some of you know that Victoria's Secret is having their big sale right now. Well, I decided to go down there on my lunch Tuesday to see if they had any of my W's favorite workout gear on sale...and maybe some other things too. It was a madhouse, but long story short, I decided that now was the time to abandon the whole "PJ'S" buying at VC and get back to some more "fun" stuff that I have not bought her in a LONG time, predating even the kids. Don't know why I stopped, and probably made her feel like I didn't think she could/should wear sexy things anymore, I don't know. Sounds about right.
SO, I picked out some TINY little undies, the kind she USED to like to wear to *bed* and yes, one pair of her fav. PJ's.
That evening, she also went to VC before she talked to me so I ended up telling her I went (was planning these things to be b-day gifts) and told her I would give her my "gifts". She was surprised I had gone but seemed happy.
When we all got home, I gave her the bag. She LOVED the PJ's saying that those were what she wanted but they were sold out when she got there. Then she got to the undies, wrapped up in tissue. The first pair was pretty normal as far as her taste runs. The next two were NOT. First she commented on the price (didn't take the tags off...oops), saying even on sale it was a lot, and then on what there where. Something like "wow, um...". She was not exactly HAPPY but not unhappy either (you should know that what I bought her was right in line with what she USED to LIKE and pick out on her own back in the good ole' days). At this point I said "Look, I finally got tired of buying you stuff you'd expect to get from your mother. I used to buy you these things all the time..." she interjected an "I know, you USED to..." I continued "I don't know which came first, the chicken or the egg, did our intimacy evaporate before I stopped buying these things, or as a result of it? I don't know, but I do know you look hot and wanted you to have something that reflects that."
Anyway, she stammered, and made some half-hearted attempt to say she was just surprised but really like them. I think she was at a loss because she didn't expect me to either buy her something like that or say what I said.
Oh, and I refrained from adding any "and now I expect you to model it for me tonight" crap. She knows what I want, and I am not going to keep saying it, but I AM going to be DOING more. This is the first thing. More to follow.
Woot! OMGosh, I'm so excited, you'd think it was my own M! You are further than you think, my friend. I'm really proud of you for stepping out like that (in bed and at VS) and not exactly knowing what she'd do. Go you! I raise another pompom for you tonight - RAH! RAH!
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
Well, another weekend in the books. Not much to report. We spent most of the weekend cleaning the garage. Normally that's a stressful kind of thing for us to do together in the best of times, but it was fine.
As for the intimacy front, well, I stepped up the campaign. I have been reading more of PM (Passionate Marriage) and am starting to get this idea of "self-validation" when it comes to being a sexual being. I decided late last week that I am going to try REALLY hard to set aside my fear of rejection by her and at least start TALKING the same game I think I've been walking. I know that's a bit backwards, but in this one respect, or at least in terms of our sex life, W has always appreciated me being vocal about things so...
At various points in the day on Friday, I turned up the charm. At one point we got on the subject of burning candles (our "bat-signal" for sex in the past) and I said I was going to do that tonight "Friday". She kinda smiled but otherwise didn't react. Normally I would have probably taken that as rejection (W used to be pretty forward in reacting to anything that seemed like me suggesting we ML) but instead decided to add a little humor into the sitch by saying "Yea, it's probably going to end up like that scene in the Davinci Code with the naked guy and all the candles. The police will have a tough time figuring out what happened here after I fall asleep with 35 tea-light-candles burning the house down." She laughed VERY hard at this. It may sound like that self-depricating humor she doesn't like, but I didn't mean it that way, and I think I have been acting confident enough lately that she didn't take it that way. She would not have laughed that much, and that naturally if she thought I was anything but confident.
So, despite the humor, I DID light the candles (not that many mind you) and DID fall asleep before she came to bed. I won't assume she came to bed late on purpose, but whatever the case, nothing happened.
Saturday rolled around and I stayed positive about all things "sitch". I ended up making light of the sitch some more. This is a 180 for me because I usually don't take ANY kind of rejection very well and if I do make light of it, it's in the form of sarcastic comments. These were NOT that. I really was just trying to add some "lightness" to a subject that seems to be VERY heavy for both of us. I figured that since talking about it had not worked, nor had ignoring it, I would try something new.
Sometime in the afternoon, I did manage to get slightly serious when she asked me to rub/itch her back. I started and then asked/stated "Don't you want any more than back rubbing? I do." She didn't reply.
That night, no candles from me but I doubt it would matter. She was almost asleep before her head hit the pillow. LONG day, and yesterday was worse, this time it was me who was asleep right away.
I DO feel progress is being made. I am starting to "find" myself and be a LOT more comfortable with what I want and need from our relationship and as I get more comfortable with that, I am able to take more "risks" in terms of just expressing myself and letting the chips fall where they may.
This idea that she will be attracted by a confident "differentiated" man is starting to make sense to me. Those are things that are VERY hard for me to SEEM, even though I think I AM to a certain extent confident. I think she's noticing that I am not nearly as "passive" as I used to be. I don't want to come across as demanding by then again, I do want to come across as what I am; someone who has needs and desires of his own and is not afraid to express those things.
We'll see how the week goes. After all this, and judging her reaction to all the "openness" and my comfort with myself (there were a lot of things I did not post about, but suffice to say that she KNOWS something is changing with me) , there is still a barrier that probably doesn't have as much to do with me, or her feelings towards me (i.e. not being attracted to me) as it does what happened with OM, her possible guilt about that or something else I have no idea about.
What I can say, and I'm not too sure how I feel about this, is that we're back where we were a year and a half ago, when W said things slid down-hill. I think that's a good thing because it's 100% better than where we were 5 months ago and this time, I KNOW what NOT to do and am working very hard on what TO do to spark things once again.
I may have said I was afraid to "break" things because everything was "ok" these days, well, I figured out that I am not afraid. I will do what I have to do to make sure we don't end up in the same place again. Either that, or we don't end up anywhere. That said, I am pretty sure we WILL end up "somewhere" better than where we've ever been before as long as I can keep growing, taking risks and giving this time.
Quote: I may have said I was afraid to "break" things because everything was "ok" these days, well, I figured out that I am not afraid.
I lied. I AM afraid. That was a mistake to post that. Getting a little ahead of myself. I am still VERY afraid, but WILLING to do what I have to do to get over that fear and do what I have to do. I think I am in the process of confronting my fear in this respect.
I know that when my H does this I'm a happy camper all day long. Hope your W is to. Something she can keep in the back of her mind through out the day.
Woot! 