Millions of people are affected by the excessive drinking of someone close. The following twenty questions are designed to help you decide whether or not you need Al-Anon:
1.Do you worry about how much someone else drinks? Yes.
2.Do you have money problems because of someone else's drinking? No, not that I know of.
3.Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else's drinking? No, not really. Well, that's a loaded question because in my W's family (religion) ANY drinking would be condisered amoral. W does not practice this religion but it wouldn't matter to her family. SO, that said, still no, there has not been an occasion for me to have to lie to anyone about her drinking.
4.Do you feel that if the drinker loved you, he or she would stop drinking, to please you? I have felt this way in the past. No longer, so no is the correct answer.
5.Do you blame the drinker's behavior on his or her companions? I used to blame her attitude towards drinking on her companions and environment. Since she mainly drinks in our home these days, and I am the only "companion" around, I guess these days, the answer is no.
6.Are plans frequently upset, or cancelled, or meals delayed because of the drinker? No.
7.Do you make threats, such as, "If you don't stop drinking, I'll leave you"? No.
8.Do you secretly try to smell the drinker's breath? No.
9.Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking bout? I have to say yes, I have felt this way in the past, but really, since all this has happened, her "drinking bouts" as few as they've been, have not been as a result of anything I did or said, so once again, these days, no.
10.Have you been hurt or embarrassed by a drinker's behavior? Yes.
11.Are holidays and gatherings spoiled because of drinking? No.
12.Have you considered calling the police for help in fear of abuse? No.
13.Do you search for hidden alcohol? I used to, and found some empty bottles. That was many years ago. Her excuse then was that her parents used to come in town all the time and on short notice and she threw the empty bottles (those mini ones, she used to drink those sometimes when she didn't want to open a bottle) under some towels in a closet rather than have them in the trash can for parents to see.
14.Do you often ride in a car with a driver who has been drinking? No, never.
15.Have you refused social invitations out of fear or anxiety? No.
16.Do you sometimes feel like a failure when you think of the lengths you have gone to control the drinker? Used to, not these days.
17.Do you think that, if the drinker stopped drinking, your other problems would be solved? Yes. I still believe that to some extent. I am getting over that feeling too. It's kinda like thinking the affair stopping will solve the marital issues...it won't.
18.Do you ever threaten to hurt yourself to scare the drinker? No.
19.Do you feel angry, confused or depressed most of the time? Well, that's not really fair thses days, but in the context of her drinking, no.
20.Do you feel there is no one who understands your problems? No. There are many people who understand my problems.
If you have answered 'yes' to three or more of these questions, Al-Anon or Alateen may help.
----------
So, I don't know how I scored, but it was a good exercise. I WILL seek help in this regard if I feel I need to. Right now, I hope my W truly is able to do this on her own.
