Thanks UD. One thing I have been *pretty* good at in all this is *mostly* honest self-analysis.
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I understand! It's a big step... I recommend highly because a good group will help you--and I mean REALLY help--with further detachment. To learn not to assign labels as "good" or "bad" to others behaviors. And it really helps me evaluate how I judge others according to the values I held near and dear to my heart. I've just spent the next 2 decades working on shedding some of them that were no longer useful. So proceed at your own pace.
Yes, this good/bad thing was something that once I learned I was doing it, became really distasteful to me. I really try not to do that anymore. It's not really useful in a situation where there are only two people and thus, two opinions. Trying to be right all the time is a large part of what got me here in the first place. Now I try to just be myself and not at the expense of someone else.
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I hope you're joking... but, in case you aren't, it's fairly obvious to me. Hey, here's where we also have a similarity, because at the time when Mr. W. moved out, it had been 6 months for us. Only I'm a girl, and I could see the emotional quotient here.
No, I am not kidding. Sorry.
Quote: Your W is very disconnected from herself, GH. If she's that disconnected with her own soul, she's even more disconnected in her R with you. Let's turn this into a few math equations:
Disconnect in R with self=Disconnect in R with GH
Disconnect in R with self=Distorted self perception
Disconnect in R with GH=Lack of emotional connection
Lack of emotional connection and deplorable self perception=no sex
Need any more theorems solved?
Well, yes, if you can solve the one that goes like W+GH=hot sex, I would LOVE that, lol.
Anyway, I am doing a lot of reading and soul searching on this. I have DEEP intimacy issues and so does W. The problem is that we had these before the A and now, with all the emotional garbage that goes along with that stuff, I fear it may take a long time to emerge from it.
I am taking the steps I think I need to take to do my part, but all of the "theorems" that you threw out there don't paint a rosy picture for W.
I oscilate between thinking I need to DO something and thinking I need to DO nothing in terms of HER. My current reading (Passionate Marriage) seems to suggest that I need to basically detach from her in a sexual sense and just be much more comfortable in my own skin as it where. I am only a little over 1/3 of the way through it now so I am only half-sarnachian-cocked (ick) at the moment, lol, and really don't know for sure if I know what I am talking about.
So, as for me, well, that's what I and my IC are working on. I am getting back with her on the 29th for the first time in a long time (scheduling issues) and I think we will set to work on these issues.
