Thank you both for chiming in. Both of you seem to take the same perspective, one that seems to fit for my W. She IS VERY independent, even before all this and I KNOW anything I say, even if she didn't express this feeling, would make her think "oh, there he goes again, keeping tabs on me, watching every drink I have." That's how she always reacts. Not that I'm living my life based on her reactions, but in this case, since speaking up is only really to encourage her, i.e. get a reaction, then I guess I want to consider what that reaction will likely be. The last thing I want to do is somehow affect change in the opposite direction. With any luck at all, I couldn't do that anyway.
As far as her thinking it's a problem, well, she's admitted that she thinks she should cut back some and has even gone so far as to admit to self-medicating, although that's not the exact words she used. In short, she's admitted a dependence on alcohol but I think, as you said UD about your H, she may not be physically dependant on it.
I also think I may have mis-posted or have given the wrong impression. I KNOW a lot about the effects of alcohol and alcoholics on the family dynamic, etc. Where I fall short is actually having any PERSOAL knowledge of what it feels like, why it seems good to do, etc. I understand it in a clinical sense, but not on the level of personal experience. I am not discounting alanon's potential benefits to me but right now it's not really a route I want to take...not just yet.
Like I said, this 3 days, while hardly a drop in the bucket in terms of our life together, is HUGE simply because it represents HER making the decision on her own to cut back, or in the case of last night, not drink at all, a first so far as I know since we've been together. One thing that has changed dramatically since all this relationship stuff began is that I 100% stopped being her daddy in that respect. I stopped bugging her about her drinking. Really, I just stopped noticing it. I can say that since I did that, she has dropped all signs of hiding anything (i.e. doesn't try to say she's had less than she has on the rare occasion it came up) and there have been stretches where she drank less than she did before, but nothing like this. Ever since I stopped making it an issue, I think there has been a marked improvement, maybe even paving the way for her to feel "unpressured" enough (she HATES to feel pressured into things) to make this decision on her own. I think if I had been there, all along, either pressuring her to cut back or stop, or making my little passive/aggressive comments, she would NOT have gotten to this point because it would have seemed like something I wanted/pushed for NOT something she wanted.
I am not jumping for joy so much as impressed that she either would or COULD take this step. I don't know how long it will last, nor do I know the motivation, but from where I sit, it is a baby step in the right direction.
I think I will watch and wait a bit more. Actually, OT and you ladies all said that leaving her alone is a viable option or at least not really saying much if I did say something).
I think if I am honest with you I AM feeling "see I told ya so" about this and probably am looking for her to validate my long standing feelings about her drinking by telling me that she knows I was right and is making this change for me. That is silly at best, downright pathetic at worst. I KNOW I want her to be making this change for her and as such, she does not need to talk to me about it, not attribute it to my "pressure". I don't need her to include me in this unless she wants my help in some way.
I can wait, or just let it pass without comment altogether. She WILL mention it sooner or later, this I know.
GH
P.S. Now, can't we get back to wondering why I haven't had $ex in 8 months, lol?
