HI GH, I does sound like your W has a drinking problem. A glass or 2 or 3 every night, with the small frame you described... well she hasn't been there with you for a very long time. Regarding mentioning her changes though, I would be very careful about this, especially if it has been a conversation you have had in the past,and especially if some of those conversations focused on her drinking were not pleasant. You don't want the rebellious teenager to come out and replace the reevaluating adult that is currently present. From what you have described of your wife, as an independent "I'll do it myself" type, I would tread very lightly in this new territory for her. At most, I would suggest "Are you having a cup of tea? I'll have one too" and no more, unless she initiates. Or maybe later, if since she is a "Gifts LL person" you can get her a special version of her favorite tea (mine is an organic chamomile import...) I think you are right, she has been self medicating for a long time, and sometimes when forced to take a look (such as in a DUI class) awareness emerges. If she is able to stay sober and enjoy her life with her own feelings and thoughts, all sorts of new awarenesses could emerge... Most people need support for these kinds of changes, but I suspect the best you can do for your W is honor her space rather than move into it. Some people are quite successful at making this kind of change on their own, despite what a lot of the literature says. Maybe she'll share more of the insights she got from the DUI class at some point. That is something she could talk about with you, which could confirm/support the steps she is taking. But I think it would need to be generated from her, rather than you questioning her. And it's way too soon to be proud of her, especially since she has never acknowledged it as a problem to you. I suspect your W is often struggling with feelings of inadequacy and does not want to be seen by you when she is less than perfect (and she often feels like she is).
That's my two cents. Good news though GH for you, if she stays on this path! It is much more fun to spend life with someone who is present more of the time
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
