I am pretty positive she has not seen OM in a long time and think she has no plans to. It ended REALLY badly, with him threatening her and getting physical at one point. I sincerely doubt she'll go back for more of that. She's not the kind of woman to put up with that crap for long.
As for OM's brother, and really, I think more his W, my W insists that they were instrumental in helping her separate from OM when he became obsessive. I met them and they SEEM to be ok. I am willing to not make this an issue so long as OM is not in the picture. From what I understand (of course it could all be lies but I don't think so from my listening to a phone convo between W and OM brother/wife...btw, she LET me listen) the brother and OM don't really get along, and things like this with my W are part of the reason they don't, so it's unlikely that he is working with her to hide anything. Again, anything COULD be possible, but these days I am too tired and focused on ME to spend too much time trying to figure out if my W is KGB level spy material. If she is trying THAT hard, then oh well, there isn't much I can do about it. Lastly, I have not really ever given her a reason to hide the affair since I have taken the "ignore the affair" route and not really pushed her about it.
So, I am good, one way or another, in respect to OM. Again, taking into account all factors, what my W tells me, what I can observe, much less free time, lack of clandestine phone calls, much better mood, etc., I see none of the evidence that was VERY present when the A was in full swing. Remember (or know for the first time) that my W was the picture of stress during all this. She couldn't sleep, she couldn't really do much during the day/evening. She just laid around on the couch, totally unmotivated and just really down all the time.
I am still just stuck in terms of "us", and the more I think/read about it, the more I understand that there are still big changes I want to make in myself before I can feel comfortable saying I've done all I can do alone and I NEED her to participate fully in this process. I know this needs to be a two person operation at some point, but for now, there is still work I need to do and that's what I am focused on. I am 100% committed to the idea that my changes alone, if they are true and take me towards being the man I want to be, will be the spark that ignites our new relationship and also causes W to open up (more on W in next post). So far I am still banging metal against flint.
