Matilda, I know what you mean about hating the jealous feeling and hating the reason you have it. That is one thing I still am dealing with. Ever since my H stopped communicating with the XOW he has given me absolutely no reason to doubt him or be jealous but I do every now and then feel it grab hold of me. Talk about feeling "stupid"...he plays golf and sometimes on Saturday afternoon or Sunday when the guys are done some of their wives show up and they have a "scramble". Well,sometimes a woman gets put on my H's team (she is always paired with her H) and there are some women out the club that I can't stand and when I hear that one of these women gets put on his team I just get this over whelming feeling of jealousy! It is dumb and I know it but it's just that I "freak out" sometimes [Roll Eyes] !! I have talked to my H about this and he knows that it is irrational(and I know it is too) but he is always sweet about it and tells me that there is no way he would ever have anything to do with one of these women and I know it's true. Right now I am gearing up for his spring golf trip that is coming up the middle of May. Guess where it is? Actually this time it is going to be a little further away from where he met the XOW and he has sworn to me that he will have no reason to even drive into the town where she lives and he has promised me that even if some of the guys want to drive there and go to the club he won't go (he didn't last year and last year it had only been a month since he broke off his A). My heart tells me I can trust him and to believe him. But it makes my stomach turn to think about him being anywhere close to her without me being with him. I know that all he can do is try to reassure me and it is up to me to believe in him and trust him. It is going to be easier than last year but I have a feeling that it is still going to be tough just the same. I have ways I can check up on him but I really don't want to -I want to trust him and I want to listen to my heart. I'm going to make it - I know I am but I may need a little pep talk come the 14th of May [Smile] !! I was sure glad to hear that you know that you truly love you H and that you are past that point. You are going to make it Matilda you are making a lot of progress. Don't worry about the occasional feeling of jealousy - I believe that is normal and understandable after what you have been through!! You are going to also have the occasional feeling of anger,hurt and that sick feeling when you think about the A. I still do on the rare occasion but believe me it gets weaker every time. JUST KEEP MOVING FORWARD AND STAY STRONG!! You are doing GREAT!! pfroglady