I had a feeling you were going to say that. I think it's important to remember that communication happens in many different mediums - so talking may not work for the two of you period. Try something else - letters, emails, pictures, etc. The fact is that people in a relationship always communicate - and when they aren't direct about what they feel, they will miscommunicate. If you don't share your feelings, needs and goals for the future, you will both be unhappy with the relationship.
I think that you may need to have a discussion with your W about her perspective on the R, because when she tells you that she doesn't want to talk about your R, it says to you that she doesn't want it to work. I know this is very un-DB, focusing on the other person's part in the relationship, but I think at the stage of the game that you're in, it's somewhat critical to get everything out on the table. If your W built a wall between you without windows in the right place, knock some holes in it. I think you have all the tools in the world to talk to her about her while remaining very much in your autonomous, non-judgemental, non-controlling position. Don't worry about whether she sees you in this position or not, just know that you are there, and you will be able to act appropriately when the time comes.
Another thing occured to me when reading your post - it seems like you play a cat and mouse game with her, and she doesn't want to play back. She asked you why you were quiet and you told her it was because of *concept name*. You expected her to take the bait and want to talk about *concept name* and find out what was really bothering you. Nope, not interested. The concept itself is enought to make her shut down. Well, if you had told her simply that it was because of this or that in a straight forward way it would have done two good things for you: 1. it would have put her in a position where she almost had to listen and 2. it would have started a habit of communicating about things in a casual way, eventually something that can be dealt with in an everyday way - thereby removing a lot of the pressure. Think about it, if there was a subject that you would rather avoid, wouldn't it be easier for you to talk about it if you just started talking, rather than to allow yourself to recoil from the knowledge you were going to talk about something you "know" you hate talking about?
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
