GH Saga...it's all in my head?

[Underdog]

GH, you asked for some thoughts over on Mama's thread, so I'm here. Mama beat me to the punch on the thought of expecting your W to be dishonest... so I'll leave you to finish digesting that particular piece of information.

I actually think what I wrote on Mama's thread applies to many (if not most) of us here. Face it, not one of us is here because we didn't have communication problems...

For you specifically, that means you emote honestly as an example to those you love in your life, GH. Make it a mission of the highest order to express yourself honestly AND kindly in all your communications, and let others know that you won't react to information that you know might hurt--and I think you'll find them more than willing to step up to the plate and follow suit. If she's not willing to be honest with you, examine why. Is it because she's involved in activities that are clandestine? Or are you judgmental and she is afraid of being open with you for fear of ridicule? Or do you make it uncomfortable for her to share because you don't agree with how she feels? Each one of the scenarios requires patience and a willingness to be open with yourself. Oh yeah, 100% of the time.

Since your post is extremely uplifting, I think it's just time to sit back and watch how you navigate these paths. But I do have a word of warning for you--and it applies to just about everyone here. It's something that I had to do as well, so please know that I'm not singling you out. It's just part and parcel to this path.

Work on changing what is in YOUR heart, GH. That is, try to shed the cloak which gives you the opportunity and desire to see yourself as the victim and her the perp. Or another version? Your position is right and hers wrong.

Mr. Wonderful told me that this particular viewpoint--held by me for quite some time--was singlehandedly the most unappealing thought when considering a reconciliation. He intrinsically knew that I felt he was wrong for leaving, that he was off his rocker for believing that walking out was the only way he could feel better, and he also doubted that I would EVER be able to change how I saw things.

Nobody wants to be in a R with someone who they feel has or is judging them for how they feel. Nobody. I had a unique pattern in my life--I seemed attracted to people who left their families. So I opted to put on a different set of glasses and attempt to see why they felt it was the only way--not to judge them, but to understand.

And GH? That enlightenment seemed to bring out the empathy in me. Empathy and compassion are what your W needs from you right now. Cultivate those parts of you that can foster more of that in your R, and just maybe she'll begin to trust you the way you want to be trusted again.

Try to envision the qualities in others that you find encourage you to be truthful with yourself and others. Then tap into them and let them pour forth.

BE love. I can promise you that it will change what is in your heart, and others will gravitate toward you and act like you. No matter what the outcome, you will be a kind and gentle person...

Not a cold and judging one with a critical eye.

IOW, knock down those walls, guy... as a woman, that's what I find infinitely appealing in a man.

Make sense?

Betsey