Well, hanging in there is kinda hard these days. Like last night -- started thinking about the fact that H spent the night with OW a year ago last night (actually by date, tonight)!! Too much, too much. In a couple of weeks I'll know when it was that I called him at his hotel just to say ILU, and she was there with him (didn't know that then, of course). So, see, I know way too much. H did what he was told was the right thing, which was to answer my questions as honestly as he could. Unfortunately, the questions I asked I expected a totally different answer to -- thought the answers I'd get would make me feel a little better cuz I knew at least he wouldn't do THAT -- but, slam, bang, I was cold-cocked.
So my PMA really sucks right now. I'm not sure I can ever truely forgive what he's done. Every time I think things are going well, I relive an event. I just really can't believe how he could have done the things he did.
H is at a loss as to how to make things better. What can he possibly do? Rewrite history, maybe? He'd like to, I know. But the damage is done and I just don't know how to handle it. I still love my H, but I wonder if that's enough. Apparently it wasn't enough for him.
