Matilda, Glad you didn't get mad or offended at what I asked. I am always afraid that I will say or ask something that will hurt or P.O. somebody without meaning to! I was just trying to find out where things were and try to find a reason that you H is really having such a hard time. You did clear that up. I can understand more about you distrust in men and why then when the one person you thought would never hurt or betray you,did just that hurt you so deeply. This also explains why your H is really down on himself. Since he knew your history with men he should have realized that what he was doing would rip your heart out. But like so many men he wasn't thinking at the time (or possibly thinking with the wrong "head" [Eek!] !!) I guess that no matter what is going on with a man considering having an A all he thinks about is himself and what he wants or needs. We are fortunate in that our men discovered that the OW was NOT what he wanted or needed to make him happy. The only thing is they almost lost what they really wanted and needed all along but had somehow forgotten. So they are fortunate too in that they married strong,loving and forgiving women like us [Wink] !! We are so much alike sometimes it is down right eerie!! My H and I very very rarely ever have an arguement or disagree. We had a couple of "moments" when we were in the early process of making changes and working things out but they were very minor and didn't last but a few minutes. And even though I was tempted to bring up the pain and anger of the A I remembered my promise and kept to the subject at hand and we worked through the problem calmly and thoroughly with no screaming or yelling or harsh words. Haven't had any problems at all in the past 6 months or more! I sincerely hope the C will be able to help your H. He really does need to completely forgive himself. He needs to remember that God doesn't give up on those who screw up - He knows He made us human and we are going to make BIG mistakes. So if Gos can forgive you H for what he did,you can forgive your H for what he did then he should be able to eventually forgive himself for what he did. I think you are a very strong,loving and wonderful wife for this man and if you just keep showing him that you love him deeply and you have completely forgiven him then he will get better. I'll check in again with you later. Pfroglady