Hi everyone - To make a long story short, I stumbled on SSM when I was looking for a way to find my libido. It went way down during my first pregnancy, came back slightly and then disappeared during the second. It hasn't come back. I've tried different gels, creams, hormones, whatever I could find, but now I feel broken. My H deserves more, but he hasn't always acted the best either. When he's not getting anything he'll yell, or he'll just bring up the subject a lot and then I feel pressured. Now, I don't much care if we do anything, and I mean anything, or not but I don't know if our marriage will last. He's come close to an affair once. We both love our kids, but can LL and HL be compatible? How do I get better? I am 30 but he's a few years younger than me. I love him, but I don't feel any spark. Help!
I don't know how much help this web page will be to anyone, but here it is. www.hisandherhealth.com
Some women here were LD/LL in one relationship and HD/HL in another R.
When he's not getting anything he'll yell, or he'll just bring up the subject a lot and then I feel pressured Not getting any? How long do you and him go without sex?
Did you every participate in what I call medically/relationship necessary sex, like once a week or once every couple of weeks to smooth things over?
Sorry to hear your sex drive is gone and that your H yells. Keep reading you will find support here.
Read "THe Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". Do what it says and you will likely have success. If you try to figure out why you are LD, you could spend the rest of your marriage trying to figure that out, and you likely do not have that kind of time.
Lou - it seems like once a month is a lot for us these days. We've talked about once a week but he knows I don't really desire it. I tried to separate desire from want but after several months of this now I don't even want. I haven't brought up the once a week idea recently because I don't want that now. It's so empty to have sex without desire. In addition to drive we are also opposite in ability to talk about sex. I clam up. I think he does too but he's so busy pointing fingers at me he can't see that.
re Morganie100 In addition to drive we are also opposite in ability to talk about sex. I clam up. I think he does too but he's so busy pointing fingers at me he can't see that. Probably not an uncommon event.
We've talked about once a week but he knows I don't really desire it. I know my W, BB does not desire sex very often. It kind of takes away from the experience when we do have sex. I would imagine your H has similar feelings.
I tried to separate desire from want but after several months of this now I don't even want.....It's so empty to have sex without desire. I understand from your perspective. I also understand your H's anger, resentments you feel make it difficult for you to be sexual with your H.
Other than no desire, are there other mechanical, smell, roughness, no foreplay problems. Any pain or dryness?
I don't want to influence your decisions about being sexual with your H but someone said to me, " Lou, I notice you don't seem to do much but work." "What do you get out of life?" I said I look forward to having sex/ML with my W at least a couple times a week." Truly, that activity was my main joyous activity.
Just showing you how some guys think about sex and ML. I can have a bad day and the only thing that gets my mind off of what went wrong is the possibility of having sex.
I know it is different for some/most women, so I am not trying to get to change your POV, just letting you know how some guys think.
So you are not interested in intercourse? How about a hand job for your H? Just suggesting alternatives Morgaine100 as you said he almost had an affair. I don't think anyone signed up for marriage to be celibate without some strong medical limitation in the M.
Marriage is a social contract. Lack of a sexual outlet is a biological problem and sometimes a social contract is not strong enough to suppress the natural biological processes of a person.
The biology gets expressed somewhere else, porn , masturbation, looking at others, excessive hobbies or work activities, treating other people poorly, etc. Not all people do these things to the same degree, some poor behaviors are barely noticeable, but I think the not getting any comes out someplace, some how.
So maybe you and your H are trading no sex for something else that you both don't want. So the which is worse contest comes into play. Guess what! You might not like either choice but taking none is not an option, you always get one and sometimes more choices you don't like or want.
I know there is more to your situation than sexual differences. How about listing those differences. I am sure the ladies will jump in here and offer more womanly advice.
I'm starting to feel that it may be too late for us. My H has brought up the D word from the first night we were married.
He doesn't talk to me much - he no longer shows affection - after our second child, he told me I loved the kids more than him. He doens't do anything to make our love life better. Instead it's like he purposefully does things that will push me away. If I cry, which is often, he doesn't comfort me. He'll either yell or throw mean words my way and tell me it's my fault we are such a mess.
I feel really hopeless. I don't believe any marriage is perfect but he can't even appreciate the good moments we do have because he is always yelling about what we don't have. My needs aren't being met either, but I'm supposed to forget about his divorce and affair threats and hop into bed. I know he can tell when I'm not into it, but even when I am it's not like he makes me feel good about it. I can't win either way. I guess i should just let the D happen. My job is more stressful than his and more hours, but it seems like I'm supposed to forget about that and just do anything to make his life easier - including any form of sex whether I'm tired or not in the mood. I can't remember the last time he gave me a compliment - all I get our the negatives. Like I said, maybe I hsould let the D happen.
I said I look forward to having sex/ML with my W at least a couple times a week." Truly, that activity was my main joyous activity.
