I been quietly following your ordeal, looking for some kind of inspiration. I, like you, keep making my W re-live the past. I guess it is a sort of revenge act. Sometimes it seems as if Im the only one hurting here, and I cant stand it. Only when I yell and make her cry do I feel sympathy towards her. I dont know how you've lasted as long as you have, for my ordeal happened 6 years ago, and it feels like it was only yesterday. I know she didnt mean to hurt me like she has, but it is still hard to find some comfort in that thought. She has done anything in her will to make me feel better about the whole experience, but Im finding letting go of the past is way easier said than done. It only hurts to re-live it though, so its in my best interest to let it go.
Forgiveness really is the key here, for without it you only keep letting that person continue to hurt you, and I dont like living this way. The W and I are attending a Retroavaille weekend in about 2 weeks. Im kinda pinning my last hopes on this, for something has got to happen in order for me to be happy. Im on the edge of leaving, for I really dont know what else to do. I know I have lived with the pain for 3 months since she told me, and I dont want to hurt no more. It becomes all consuming when Im not around her to see how she feels about us. She really has become a better person than I am. She believes in Church and God, and prays to Him every day to relieve me of the pain and suffering I go through. Geeez, sorry for writing this on your thread, just got carried away. Seems so easy to do to.
Keep being strong Matilda, for you seem to have what it takes to survive this. Keep posting also, for I do look at your words for some inspiration.
