Hi Matilda,

Thanks for your post on my thread.

With all of these wonderful ladies who have much more experience than I, I feel a little out of my depth in posting to you, but I guess I won’t keep my inexperienced mouth shut [Wink]

Something about pfroglady’s book struck me. The 5 big falsehoods about infidelity.

1) A is about sex

Y’know? In a way, I feel betrayed by my W, despite the fact that there was no A. She abandoned me for other friends. Of course, she never had sex with them, but she no longer had those feelings for me either. There was a point where she was more intimate (intillectually) with MF than with me. Is that not a sort of infidelity?

Guess that’s one reason why I have such a burning need to reconnect. I’ve lost something, and I want it back.

I know the sex part makes it harder for you. In that sense, I’m definitely luckier than you.

quote:
Originally posted by matilda:

Anyway, about 3 months after he ended it with her he told me about it. The whole thing had been making him physically ill and he had to tell me. I wish he hadn't.
Yes, if he hadn’t told you, then the phantoms would not be there. I truly hope that in time you can make them go away. Like I said, you can’t unring the bell, but I still hope that time will make these feelings fade.

quote:
Originally posted by matilda:

By the way, Andy, in an earlier reply you said something about if I can just let go of the past we can "have the greatest relationship on earth." Never can happen, my friend. Not with infidelity as part of that relationship. It may be good again someday, but never, never like it could have been. That makes me so angry. He was stupid, stupid, stupid.
The only loss thing that I can think of in my life that is perhaps analogous, is the second most important loss in my life. When I was 15, my mother died. I was abandoned, and left to fend for my brother, sister, and myself. It took a long time for the pain to fade, but it did over a long time. I’m hoping that as time passes, your pain will fade too.

quote:
Originally posted by matilda:

You have the opportunity to have the greatest R on earth. I believe that anything can be worked out - as long as you stay faithful and loyal to each other. Unfaithfulness is an impossible hurdle to overcome overcome. It leaves a lasting imprint on a person's very soul…

I know you won't make the same mistake. I know how hard it is for you to not have the R with you W that you want right now, but just keep at it. It can happen.
Yes, we’re faithful to each other sexually, but I’m not sure about the rest of it. Especially the loyalty part.

But enough about me. As to you, I agree with Lily…

quote:
Originally posted by lily:

Anyway, Matilda. Remember that you are his Lady. I'd love to wear your shoes for just a little while. To feel loved and to be told that I'm loved. Wow. I'd savor that for a long time.
You are one fine lady, Matilda. Your H – as stupid as he has been – loves you. He wants a R with you. I’d savour it, too. And I think that you have all of the elements of the greatest R on earth. I know, the A can’t be erased. Hopefully, it’ll fade.

TTFN,
Andy

Andy