Barb, My H's A didn't last very long. He met the XOW in May of 2000 when he was out of town on a golf trip. The PA didn't start until Nov. 2000. He was with her once that month,twice in Dec. and then once in Feb.2001. I found out about the A while he was out of town (not where she was thank goodness)in March 2001. He brought home the letters,pictures and cards she had sent him and "accidently" left them where I could find them! Anyway,when I confronted him he called her with me on the extension and told her that we had talked and that he had never stopped loving me and he wanted to work on fixing what had gone wrong in our marriage and that their relationship was over. She did contact him again the first part of April (sent him a birthday card and asked if they could be "friends"). Dummy that he was he responded to that email and did correspond with her ocassionally until I found out the 4th of July (he sent her an email birthday card -I saw it and it was tacky and all it said was have a happy birthday [Razz] ). So once again I confronted him and told him that he had to choose what was more important to him -me and out marriage or this bimbo. I told him that I could not continue to work on US if she was in his life in ANY way. He immediately told her that there would be no further correspondence and she sent him a really "pitiful" good bye email. And as far as I know there has been no further correspondence and I have no reason to believe there has. It was really hard to accept that he had done this to me/to us. I forgave him because I loved him too much not to. He tried to explain why he did what he did (was unhappy and was under a lot of stress at work and he felt I wasn't being very understanding) but did admit that there was really no excuse for what he did. I for some reason transfered my anger to this B in heat. Guess I went through all the emotions toward my H when I discovered the A. I still at times cry when I think about what he did and I'm sure I will always shed a few tears but I am so much better after a year has past and the times I think about the A are getting fewer and the pain is getting duller. We both have made changes in ourselves and we are happier and more in love than ever. While it is true that he messed up big time and almost destroyed something very special,we had a lot of love for each other inside and we were able to get back on track. I know it is hard to believe that if you love someone enough you could hurt them in this way but I honestly feel you can love someone and still hurt them but if that love is deep and strong you can work things out. I still get a horrible feeling when I see something on tv about infidelity or read something about it. It causes me to get a bit sad and brings back memories I want to forget. This also has gotten better with time. My H doesn't understand why I have this need to continue talking about the A and I wish I could explain how and why it helps to talk like this to complete strangers when I couldn't even talk to my best friend. It helps to know that there are lots of women like me out there,going through what I am. I only wish that every woman out there could have the same outcome from an A that I did. Sometimes all I can do is tell them that I am here whenever they need to rant,rave,scream,cry or just talk. I care about each and every one of you and will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.
Matilda, YOU ARE A STRONG WOMAN and YOU ARE A FIGHTER!! I know that you are going to make it through all this. Your H should know that he is a very lucky man!! You are healing even though at times you may feel like you never will. Believe me I have been there and there were times when I got down on my knees and prayed that the pain would stop!! I will always have a patched place in my heart where my H ripped it by cheating. But it is patched and even though it is is still "sore" it isn't nearly as painful as it was!
Well,I hope you all stuck with me even though I have written a novel! Take care and HANG IN THERE!!!! Pfroglady