Matilda, it's unfortunate that any of us are dealing w these situations re infidelity. I'll use a quote from somewhere. . ."there's no use worrying how the dead horse got here, deal w it".
That helps me.
If I had to chose an infidelity scenario, I'd choose yours.
Matilda, he chose to end it so he was able to feel guilt and remorse.
Because he ended it, you know that he knows she was just a fantasy; you know that he chose to come clean w you.
He has apologised in a sincere fashion.
He doesn't try to defend OW in any fashion.
You have physically seen/talked w her (and didn't wind up behind bars LOL).
Matilda, I did a little chart of the times I wound up on the emotional roller coaster. Each time seemed to be triggered by an emotion triggered by thoughts of OW. I had my last bad ride about a month ago. I needed H to reassure me and asked him for help. At last C session H mentioned this roller coaster. C told me that it will come back again and again. It seems that she, in helping me heal, has determined that when the roller coaster shows up DUE TO MY SENSE OF ABANDONMENT FROM MY CHILDHOOD I need to nurture that little 12 year old that was hurt so long ago. She says that my sense of feeling needy goes way back there.
Matilda, it's hard to put these thoughts into words cause I'm still pondering the stuff she brought to light for us during a 2 1/2 hour session.
Without saying anything to H she was putting it in his face that I was dealing w an extreme amount of pain. My H didn't chose to end his A and consequently didn't go through the phase of guilt/remorse. C is triggering my emotions and H is witnessing my trauma. This isn't solution focused, but she's causing H to get in touch emotionally. This is scrambled eggs here, sorry.
Anyway, Matilda. Remember that you are his Lady. I'd love to wear your shoes for just a little while. To feel loved and to be told that I'm loved. Wow. I'd savor that for a long time.
