Still getting over it!!

[healedbutscarred]

Matilda, We women who have been betrayed by our H's have every right to be catty or anything else we want to be!! Our H's gave us the right to feel whatever we want and to do whatever we want concerning them and the OW when they started the A!! I saw a picture of this B and she wasn't ugly but she sure wasn't all that great to look at either. I know that I had kind of "let myself go" because I was depressed and unhappy and I guess if I'd had a picture in my mind of a woman my H would go for she would have been young,slim,petite and very attractive. This woman was none of those things. She was just average looking and looked a bit on the plump side and she is only 5 years younger than me. My H said she was easy to talk to and she really listened to him and she seemed to understand him . I still sometimes wonder if she was something "special" in bed and that drives me crazy sometimes but I am getting better at putting those images out of my mind.I did talk about thses feeling to H and he didn't have much to say about the sex with her. I told him about my fears concerning what she did to and for him and he tried to assure me that I have always satisfied him in that way and that the A wasn't just about sex. I do know that I am satisfying my H "in everyway" and I know that I am looking GOOD now that I have lost 80 pounds and H is proud of me!! I too have days when I think about the XOW and would love to pull her hair out and tell her just what I think of her and then I have days when I'd love to tell my H what a JERK he was for doing what he did. But those times are getting fewer and fewer and when they do come,they only last a brief time and aren't nearly as painful. I was thinkig yesterday that maybe I got "closure" with my H but never got it with the XOW. Maybe I do need to write her or even call her and have a "heart to heart" with her!! I can't email her because she changed her email address after the last time I sent her an email !! I haven't tried to call her (maybe she changed her call & home # too in order to keep me from calling her again !!) Bet she didn't move though and I have her address at home and work !! Anyway,when I do get those thoughts of contacting her I also think that it has been so long now what's the point. I honestly believe that if I did contact her,she would use this as an excuse to contact my H again and I DO NOT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN!! I prayed for her to be out of our lives and she is. Believe me I don't want anything to bring her back into our lives!! So I guess I will just vent here and continue to write down what I am feeling and pray!! All of the above helps me and has gotten me where I am today !! So here I go again with my "HANG IN THERE" speech and my "THINGS DO GET BETTER WITH TIME" speech!! Take care and remember that you can "let it all out" here with us and be as CATTY as you feel like being!!!!