Andy,

That "team spirit" you talked about -- he threw me off the team, and I was too stupid to even know it. I'm all for being a team, but only when it was just the two of us. Now, there are two phantom members of this team, and I don't want to play with them. Maybe it's time to become a free agent.

Lily,

I have a few thongs also -- boy are they uncomfortable. I've spent my life pulling my underwear out from you know where [Eek!] , and now I'm putting it there on purpose? Crazy.
Sometimes I feel strong and confident. Certainly after confronting the B I feel a lot stronger. But when it comes to my H's actions, which are really all that matters to me, the pain is still staggering.

Pfroglady:

My H is one of those "let's not talk about it and maybe it'll go away, it's all in the past" kinda guys, too. I think men are built that way -- it's over, it's done, let's move on. Women need to hash things out, talk it to death, and finally just get sick to death of it before we can put it in the past.

That's what I'm hoping will happen in my case. I need to talk about all the really awful negative feelings here and with MC (not H anymore) until I just am so tired of the whole thing that it will fade away. (See I'm already calming down from my negative post above). My H will still talk about it with me when I need to, but I'm trying very hard to not bring it up.

Last night he asked me what I was doing this morning. I reminded him that I had an appt with MC, and then just dropped it. This morning he called on my cell phone and asked how it went. I just said, "Same as usual," and dropped it. Usually I start telling him everything, but not this time. When I got home he had e-mailed me: "think good thoughts. I hope appt with MC was not depressing." When I called him I didn't mention it at all. When he asks tonight, I'll tell him I don't want to talk about it right now. That'll probably drive him nuts.

Also last night I asked him why he never looks at me anymore. He told me he does, but only when he won't catch my eye. He doesn't like me looking at him because he feels ashamed. I didn't reply to that. I just went to sleep. I think that really surprised him cuz in his e-mail this morning he also mentioned walking over the to the high school tonight for a meeting we need to attend. He said, "It will be dark and maybe I won't feel so bad when you look at me." I wrote back: "It will still be light when we go over there, but I'll try to avert my eyes (supposed to be funny [Big Grin] )". Then I said, "It's very sad we can't look at each other without you feeling ashamed. I really miss looking into your eyes." He didn't reply.

Anyway, I'm trying to keep things to myself as much as possible. It helps to get it out here.

Bye again,

Matilda