I met OW at a play she was in w my H last April 21st. I watched them kiss. I knew.
I asked and he denied.
A few months later, I asked again and again he denied.
In September, the bomb dropped and he admitted that there'd been OW but wouldn't give her name because he didn't have her permission.
Blew him away when I named her. "How'd you know?" "I'm perceptive".
In October, I called her apt and hung up. I so wanted to talk to her but felt she sh be the one to call me. I told H that I called her. He said he'd arrange a meeting but I said no thanks, she sh approach me.
Same month, I called her H to apologise to him. I told him that I wanted to forgive his wife and had called her but disconnected before she picked up the phone. He told me that she wouldn't want to talk w me. He said that his W DOESN'T MIND BEING WRONG; SHE DOESN'T LIKE TO BE TOLD SHE'S WRONG. IF I TALKED W HER, SHE'D JUST SHUT DOWN and tune me out. I hate to waste my efforts.
I told H about that.
In Jan, I wanted to smoothe out some of the wrinkles in my mind re the PA. H wanted to know why I kept taking him back to the scene of the murder. Duh.
I thought about this.
The A was a symptom of the problem.
It was ok to ask about the A once or twice to obtain data: I needed to know stuff so I could process my emotions.
Returning to the A was making the solution into a problem.
I don't need any more problems.
In February, I forgave her by faith. I don't have to like her, or condone her behavior, or allow her in my life. She is poison.
H will be scraping the residual of her off his karma for years. (Think dog poop). That's his problem, not mine. If he wants to talk, I'll listen.
Matilda, I'd love to be able to talk openly about the A w my H but he's not that way. He's a "put it behind us and let's get on with it" kind of guy.
Just so long as he understands that he must convey to our Son that Adultry is not to be part of his heritage then I'm cool.
