I too thought I had married one of those men who would never betray me and our marriage. Years and years ago we had a talk about infidelity because my H's uncle was a real SOB that cheated on his wife for all their married life. He swore he loved his wife more than anything and that theses OW were just for sex,fun and what he could get out of them! I know there are a lot of men out there who can separate sex and love but I'm sorry I can't do that! I could only have swx with someone I loved!! I had trusted that my H felt the same way. I have determined that he was just being totally selfish when he decided to have an A. He was unhappy and stressed out - well,poor baby!! I was unhappy too but that didn't give me liscense to go out and have sex with someone else in order to try and make myself feel better! He admits that there is no excuse for infidelity and that if he could go back and change what he did he would. I told him that he not only hurt me he let me down -he showed me that he was not the man I thought he was. I think maybe that hurt for him to hear. He called himself an AH and I totally agreed with him! I told him that he was thinking with the wrong head (sorry) [Razz] !! Anyway,as for the XOW....I guess I should be thankful that she didn't try to tell me a lot of crap about my H and her together. She did allow her D to have my email address and she "ambushed" me on line one day with IM. I think she wouldn't talk to me that day I called her because she was afraid of what I had to say. I know she had been widowed for 10 years when my H started the A with her but as you say being lonely is no excuse for someone to screw around with a married man!! She is no threat to me and she means nothing to me. I am happy and I know my H loves me. I am healing more and more everyday and I am hopeful that soon her face will be a blur and the A just a distant unhappy memory. So hang in there Matilda - you are well on your way!!!