Hi, Andy and Pfroglady:

I really don't expect my confronting this pathetic woman will make her a better person. I know quite a lot about her background -- have been in touch with her XH. She has no redeeming qualities, believe me. The trail of pain and destruction she has left in wake is incredible. Honestly, my intent was to scare her; to let her know she won't always get away with it and that next time the jilted wife might not be as nice [Big Grin] as me and let her off the hook with just a verbal attack. It was really the only thing I could do to fight back for myself, my family, and all the other potential jilted wives in her future.

According to my H and her XH, she has a very high opinion of herself and wants people to see her a certain way. I made no bones about pointing out to her what she really is and that people were beginning to figure that out for themselves. I do think I did the right thing here. I had tried calling, e-mailing, etc. There is just nothing like a face-to-face to knock the socks of a person like that. You read so much here and other places about forgetting about the OP, they are not the problem just a symptom. I totally agree with this. But I feel that everyone must stand accountable for their actions and be ready to face the consequences. If more people confronted the OP, maybe there wouldn't be so much infidelity in the world. Pipe dreams, I know. I'm really not a Polly Anna. But I do think that, at least for some of us, confronting the OP is a good idea. I'm not sure I could have ever let it go if I hadn't done it.

Anyway, enough about her. She's history.

Pfroglady, yes, I know what you mean by "meant to be together." H and I have known each other since 7th grade. We went "steady" our senior year in H.S. and part of our first year of college. Life happened and we were apart for 10 years!! During that time we kept in touch sporatically. I knew deep in my heart that I still loved him, and he me. We were reunited at our 10-year H.S. reunion and married 3 years later. I knew - felt it in the depth of my soul - that I was the love of his life and that we were meant to be together. Don't you see that that is exactly why this is all so agonizing for me? We let each other get away once. I can't believe he'd take that chance again. And that's what is making me so angry right now.

I guess I feel that if you love somebody that much you just don't want to be with another person - no matter what's happening in your relationship. That is the way I felt. Things weren't always great. Sometimes I felt restless, wondered what it would be like, etc. Just fantasies. I just really didn't want another man. I could never have hurt my H that way anyway. I had too much respect for him and I am a very loyal person. I never would have given another man the opportunity to think "I'm better than her H because she's here with me," or the opportunity to think "Her H must really be a loser if she'd lie to him and deceive him in order to spread her legs for me." (Sorry. That was really crude. But it reminds me of something I told the OW in my confrontation. I said that after I'd told my H everything I knew about her he realized that he wasn't so special after all; that she'd probably spread her legs for just about anyone). Again, sorry for the crudeness. But, you see, that's exactly the opportunity my H gave this OW by being with her. The word is betrayed. He betrayed me big time and I'm not sure if I can get over that.

There are good, honest men out there who would never think about (or at least never act out) infidelity. And, Andy, I know you're one of those men. I really, truely, to the bottom of my soul thought I was married to one of those men. How could I misjudge a person so badly? How in God's name do I overcome the sense of betrayal; the sense that it will never be that good again; the sense that I will never be enough for him?

I know I have power over my feelings and emotions, although sometimes it doesn't feel that way. I'm trying to control myself around H, and doing a pretty good job of it most of the time. Please, Pfroglady, keep reminding me that things get better and better and that at the one-year mark there will be a big difference. That really helps, because you've been where I am and I need your continued support.

I do want to make this work. It's all up to me. H has put his future in my hands, has asked me to forgive him, has assured me over and over again that it will never happen again. I just simply don't know how to "get past it," because it just simply isn't that simple.

Love to you all,

Matilda