Updating......

[toughlover]

My H is doing everything he can to save the M. I feel grateful for that especially since I read some of these posts, but sometimes I just can't help the feeling that our M is a very temporary arrangement. It's just a gut feeling I have and I can't seem to shake it.

Same here. My W is doing everything about as right as she can the expected to right now. I know that feeling, though. I think it's there for a good reason (telling you, "you can't trust what you see" because you've been lied to before ), but will be very destructive if it drives your behavior or you dwell on it too much.

We got to a point where I drove my W to tears because she felt, given the realities, she was doing the best anyone in her position possibly could, and it wasn't good enough for me. So her feeling was, "why bother?" if it's not good enough anyway.

That was the real tough decision for me, but also a positive step for us, when I just decided that whatever she gave right now IS good enough for right now. Made a huge difference, and about the same time I ran across a verse in 2 Cor. 8 that slapped me upside the head:

"And here is my advice about what is best for you in this matter: Last year you were the first not only to give but also to have the desire to do so. Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means. For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not have"

That got to me cause just a day or two earlier she had been in tears because she said that there were feelings that weren't quite there yet, she was willing to "act as if" until they showed up, but she was frustrated because she felt like she was giving all she had and I just shot it all down. So I decided that as long as she was giving what she had to give, it HAD to be good enough, cause to do otherwise would eliminate the possibility we could be relaxed, enjoy each other's company, create the kind of "fertile soil" where the seeds of a new marriage could be planted, germinate, and grow, so to speak

So far as long as I stick to that, it has worked for me. May not for anyone else, I don't know.