You know what, Andy, I think you're right. I think I do have a sense of relief and closure, at least for the OW. I was kind of stuck in my thinking about her, especially knowing she lives in the place we've spent so many happy days. It was really bothering me that she could walk into my life, screw it up, and walk away leaving H and me to pick up the pieces.
The fact that she'd done this before, at least two times, really got to me. All this time I felt I needed to do whatever I could to prevent her going after someone else's H. Believe me, I know it was all my H's responsiblity to not get involved in this mess, but it does take two to tango. I think maybe next time she just might think of our confrontation before she "goes after" another married man just because she's "lonely." I think she's really terrified of me and what I might do next. And, God forgive me, I quite enjoy remembering the look on her face; the begging for my forgiveness; etc. She's pathetic, and I let her know just how pathetic she is.
So at least now I'm left with the sense of relief that I didn't let them walk all over me. I needed that in dealing with my H, too. Sometimes I feel like I've made it too easy for him. That's the issue I'm dealing with now. Anger is starting to rear it's ugly head, and I feel tough times are still ahead. Maybe the sense of empowerment I feel over confronting the OW is carrying over into a sense of "How dare you do this to me." I don't know. I just know it's all still very confusing, and I feel like I haven't gotten off that rollercoaster yet.
The thing is, when H and I are together I can put aside the anger and resentment because I like being with him and I like interacting with him. But it's those times when I'm by myself (all day!) that the feelings of anger, mistrust, total outrage clamp down on me and I can't seem to shake them loose. I'm beginning to fear that what my H fears may come true: If I can't stop this spiral of anger someday I'll end up hating him. I really don't want that to happen. We've built a wonderful life, have a great family, and even after all this there is still love and friendship between us. Can it last? To be or not to be, that is the question!
