Updating......

[toughlover]

I just grow very weiry of battling with myself. I want to stay, I want to leave, it's tiresome.

Couldn't have said it better myself. That's the struggle alright.

My W and I are also great friends. That's the part that worries me, cause we can have a great time together doing anything at all, same sense of humor, etc. (she's got a beautiful smile and I've always been able to make her laugh), but the lack of true closeness and intimacy is frustrating. I don't know how to get that back.

She says I'm doing everything right.

We went to MC for two months solid (weekly), and at some point along the way, began just taking care of things on our own to the point where we now feel like the MC isn't really giving us anything we can't/haven't gotten ourselves. We go once a month now to check in, each talk a little about how we feel about progress, any issues that need some discussion, and where we see ourselves heading.

His main value for us is being there to talk to if either one of us has any dark moments (like W being tempted to contact OM, me being tempted to revenge A, etc.).

So far, that's going pretty good. I don't think someone in her position could be doing a better job, truly. She seems to think I'm getting close to being husband of the year. We can talk about anything, and do. I'm over MOST of the hurt myself, still little twinges during the night, an occasional bad dream, etc. Still missing the true closeness and intimacy that makes everything sweet, though.

And you're right...it IS tiresome. I'm positive it gets better. Just gotta hang in there.