Updating......

[cat03]

oh honey))))))))))))), its' one of "those" times huh? I'm sort of there too, after a long time of the A not being the first thing in my mind I've started to think of H and the op and their SL, not the betrayal itself but the SL.

Both of us are torturing ourselves, so we need to quickly label these thoughts that are damaging us. To remember that our H's were living separate lives from us when the A happened, and that an A is a desperate DESPERATE act out of misery.

Honey, the reason I also think of these things, weirdly enough, is that my H is acting more normal w/me and I think " I can't believe he did this! that he slept w/someone else!" it boggles the mind, I know it, my H was the most conservative guy you'd ever meet, EVER.

We must remember they didnt' have all their wits together when they had the As, their minds were full of sh*t (I don't curse but honestly, there is no other way to put it.)

I just have to share this great post from Muddle, they guy can write:

Love is action, so we need to put aside our fears and act in love - not for fear that we'll lose all the material things in our lives if we don't do so well enough, but because we know that altruistic love is the highest calling and expression of our spirits, and we want to realize that part of ourselves. This is an expression of self love, love of our life and universe and of our spouses. It asks for nothing in return - not even from ourselves. It's not a form of emotional capital that entitles us to benefits because we have invested emotional energy in some event or person. It's a state of being, one that we all have a desire to strive for, and our spouses are our mirrors, helping us fine-tune ourselves as vessels for this calling. This situation we are going through is a test, one that gives us the ultimate opportunity to love under the most difficult of circumstances, one where our minds are clouded with the darkest emotions we can experience. It's a challenge to see people that are hurting us as people, not as evil or something that would be more convenient in the moment due to the hurt we are feeling. They are people just as we are making their choices. We HAVE to love them as our equals, regardless of how we rate their choices.

I also think I have too much time in my hands, dont' get me wrong now, I work FT and care for kids and home on my own while H is in training, but I see i'm not putting anything positive in my brain. I got this great book at the library yesterday, can't remember the exact title but it was about healing marriages that have been hurt. For you, I insist you get "battlefield of the mind" I have the devotional, but the full version is more complete. Our minds are true battlefields and it is a constant struggle to weed the bad stuff that constantly assaults us. We need to feed our brains with positive messages so we dont' dwell on the pass and to strenth us when we get attacked.

Hugs hon)))))))))))) I hope you get some peace of mind, I sleep like a baby now, but I can recall when I was going through the same restelessness and lack of sleep.