Updating......

[toughlover]

Everything is going very well with me and H. We laugh, we joke, we enjoy each other's company, he's doing everything he can do to win my trust. So what's my problem, right? Well, I have yet to get a good night's sleep. I wake up continually during the night, second guessing myself. I wake up thinking about his A and think about it several times during the day. I don't talk about it to anyone, not even my H, I try to deal with this alone.

Me too...except we're in MC so I talk to our C.

Our M is good, I love my H, but because I held his morals to such a high standard and he disappointed me so greatly, I may not be able to move one with him. I try to think life without him, it sucks and I try to think of my life with him and continue to battle myself and that sucks too. So what do you do?

You're one of the few folks on here who seem to feel about like I do. I'm in a very similar position with my W.

You asked, "So what do you do?"

For me, my vow to love, honor, and cherish my W "for better or worse, forsaking all others, til death do us part" means something. I choose to stand by that commitment, because there is no real "out" clause there. My choice. It either means something, or it was some pretty words I said once.

It's got to mean something, particularly in our disposable society. I figure my sons are learning about what love is right now from what my wife and I do and what we show them.

Until I found out about what she had been up to, I actually considered her the "glowing" one in our marriage. I knew she wasn't perfect, but I didn't think she'd stoop as low as she did. It was then I realized how immature she truly was even though she could come across as much more mature and "together". I think she's got a lot of growing to do. Your H may be in the same boat, I don't know.

I do know that I had to come to the point where I realized I wasn't holding this marriage together because *sigh* she was special. She isn't, not in that sense, not after what has gone on. I had to ask myself WHY I even wanted to continue as her husband or save our M apart from for our kids' sake.

I want to be married to someone I can trust and admire, someone who will encourage and help me be the best I can, not suck the life out of me behind my back.

In my case, I truly believe she is working toward that, working on herself first, just as I had to/have to. She's not quite there yet, but she is making definite steps in that direction, and as time goes on I find that is where I'm investing myself...in helping her do that. The closer she gets to being that kind of person, the more my admiration grows.

That brings me much peace of mind. So, my choice is to honor my commitment and be the best H I can be, be the one God calls me to be with the full acceptance of the risk.

Danged hard to do!

I don't get ILY from her, and in a way I'm disappointed, but I'm also relieved, cause (for me) I don't think it would mean much to me now.

It's been tough for me. It still is. But I came to see how flawed she really is and how she's got a lot of growing to do. And I see that as an opportunity for me to model exactly HOW our M should be and could be and, in some ways, already IS even this soon post-bomb.

I believe he truely loves me. Thats the irony of it all, he loves me but yet he put me through hell.

Yes, but WAS quality of love is even more flawed than usual, I think.

I think they still have a lot of learning to do about what love really is. I think the quality of whatever my W calls love isn't real swift, which is why I don't get TOO bent out of shape anymore when I don't hear the ILY stuff.

WAS haven't been very successful at demonstrating that. WE have an opportunity to. There's a good chance they'll get the message.