I wish you the best Gwyn. If you believe he can give you what you want now. Then I would be very excited myself for what looks like a very positive future ahead.
Yikes, today is one of those down days. I am dreaming a lot lately and I'm not getting much sleep so I guess that's why my mood is not so great. Another reason is that I was talking to my H this morning, trying to be upbeat and said you know, I'm look forward to growing old(er) with you, how about you? His reply was don't know. I asked why would you say that? His reply, it isn't up to me. I have no right to expect anything from you. I know that he's having a lot of trouble staying with me. Not because he doesn't love me, etc. but because he knows that he is solely responsible for my pain, or on the flip side, and here is where the "battlefield of the mind" comes in, maybe he just waits for me to pull the plug so we could separate with very little character damage. Okay, as I type this, that's ridiculous! All our friends, family and church knows what he did, yet he is still with me so the damage to his character has already been done. Okay, I'm cheering myself up. But I could use words of encouragement from you guys.
It's a hard road and everyday is a new turn, we just have to have the courage to take the turn and see where it leads!
Sounds like he is still feeling very guilty and is looking to you for constant reassurance and support. Are you up for it? It's a challenge, being 'responsible' for someone elses happiness. Done in the right way, I think you can give him a boost of smiles and confidence and then let him fan the flames to keep it going. OR - How's he been sleeping? Could be he was just having a temporary down day too.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Keep on showing your love. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. I believe that sums it up. "always hopes, always perserves." So to love and to show it, I believe this is what you need to practice.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next.
Hope this helps.
Wow... I was having a rough start to my day... and I find these word from you Gwyn...
Thank you so much...
I am going to add them to my own thread to help pull me up from my Funk...
I agree with WCW--he's still wrestling with a lot of guilt. The thing is that you can't be responsible for anyone's hapiness but your own. Show him your love, your grace, your acceptance, and that will be his beacon. He has to deal with what he's done. Would he consider counseling at all?
I guess I wouldn't ask him "how about you?" right now. Just tell him how you feel and invite him into that space without putting him on the spot.
Dang it! I blew it last night. I started in on my H last night and told him that I don't think I'll ever get over his A! I also told him I wanted a D because I couldn't deal with this! Of course I didn't mean a word of that so I apologized to him this morning and he said no need. I said things that I probably meant and he understood. Why did I do that? After everything we have done to put this M back together, why in the world would I say things so counterproductive? Is this normal? How do I deal with these feelings without taking it out on him. It's usually when I go to bed at night, so a drive is out of the question. Night time seems to be the hardest for me. Any advise?
hey Gwyn, up until recently I was struggling with thoughts of my H and OP, you know what did it for me? I read Hopefloats and Always' posts about how their Hs just couldn't go past the blame and guilt and were heading into D. I saw my own H and realize that it took a lot from him to come back, to put that failure behind him, how it was a huge struggle to realized he'd messed up, he now wants to start over again. Go find their posts (I think Hope's is called 'que sera sera' in MLC), it was liberating for me, I no longer dwell on the OP, sure now and then I think about OP but I've totally detached, it's like "what'll ill have for dinner tonight" it's a passing thought. The monkey is totally off my back, we are very lucky our H's are w/us, we could planning a D right now but we arent. Nights are always hard, that's why they always say to never make any big desicions at night. Since we LBS weren't really able before to let out all our anger and hurt to our H's maybe some of that is coming out now, let it out here hun, we all mess up from time to time)))))))))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Hello all. Just got back into town from our vacation. It was wonderful!!! H and I really enjoyed each other's company. Things are looking way up for us right now. But, I need an opinion from you all. While we were on our cruise, we met another couple and started talking with them. Just small talk and we got on the subject of our kids (FYI - I have 2 from previous marriage and H has two from previous marriage, all grown and on their own). My H just sat there and told these folks a lie about his kids. Of course, the battle wasn't big enough for me to bring it to light, especially since we were having a good time. But it did make me sit up and take notice that I'm not sure he's capable of telling the truth. Was it a lie that I need to tuck away in my memory banks or do you all think it was just an exageration, trying to make him look like he's this wonderful, great dad. (More, fyi - his kids hardly talk to him). Anyway, should I be concerned about his constant lying?
