Friday night was my 30 year class reunion. Me and H went and without sounding conceited, I looked fabulous! What an ego trip! I really felt pretty. Anyway, everyone was complimenting me and my H just sat there! He didn't know what to say when I was receiving the compliments. I know that he was proud to be with me, but I also believe that he was a little jeleous of me getting so much attention. Of course, I acted like a lady and didn't let on that I was getting a kick out of it. H just seemed so distant, maybe because he didn't know too many people there, or maybe that he wondered how many people knew about his infidelity. I don't know. My friend (female) of 35 years looked at me straight in the face and told me "girl, any man here or anywhere for that matter, would fall all over themselves to be with you". H asked me later, why do you love me so much?! I told him because I choose to, it isn't an emotional thing, it's something that I want to do. I know that I'm sounding like I'm tooting my own horn, but this is a testimony to all you out there - do something for yourself. Make yourself feel and look great, it does wonders for your self esteem and even if you aren't happy, personify that you are! People enjoy being around people that are happy.
I love my H very much and I know that he loves me. He fights with himself daily, I can see it in his face and I may be assuming too much, but sometimes I believe he thinks it's only a matter of time before someone sweeps me off my feet and he wouldn't blame me if I left. I'm not leaving and I'm committed to my marriage, all I'm trying to do is to continue taking care of myself and doing the things that I want to do to make MYSELF feel better. I've quit depending on him to make me happy. IMHO, you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else.
Thanks for listening. Wow, I feel good! And, I KNOW, without a shadow of a doubt, that me and my H are going to make it! It takes work, but so does everything else in life. ALL OF US HERE CAN GET THROUGH THIS!!!!
