Oh, and as for the friends-turning-their-back stuff, my H's friends didn't get involved. They were rightfully *his* friends -- I just acquired them as "friends" through my M.
But H had moved in with one of those friends, who had almost become as much of a friend to me as he had to H. And that particular friend knew that H had picked up OW before he left me, so it feels to me as if he did more than condone their R. He became friends with OW, sympathetically listening to her as she told him that she was afraid H would come back to me, etc.
He came back around within weeks after my H came home, but things are different. My friendship with him will obviously never be the same.
My H’s parents disappointed me most of all. When H left me, they just stopped being in touch. They didn’t respond to any of my letters about my pregnancy and in fact told H (while we were separated) that they had somewhat lost their “connection” with me once H and I were married. They didn’t only support H’s decision, they participated in his irresponsibility.
Now that he’s back, they think everything should by “hunky dory” – and I should forget that not only did they turn their backs on me, but on my son … their one and only grandchild.
Since H has been back home, his mom told me that she hoped I understood that she had to support her son. No, I don’t understand that. I understand that we can love people without supporting their actions – and that includes our children. If one of my daughters makes a bad choice, I still love her, but I don’t support her choice, and I tell her that.
In supporting *her* son, my MIL turned her back on *my* son. That’s going to be very difficult for me to forgive ... maybe not because of the act itself, but because she's not taking responsibility for it; she's justifying her actions through excuses.
At least my H acknowledged that what he did was wrong. Perhaps *that's* the first step toward earning forgiveness. .
