Matilda's big adventure, Part 2.

I should have previewed by previous post before sending it. But, as I said, I'm a little tipsy so please excuse my errors above.

So, back to the big anniversary week. Back to when she asked me to forgive her, which she did a couple of times, I told her she was not worth the trouble it would take for me to forgive her; that I would reserve that for my H. Oh, also when she kept repeating it was over, it was over, I told her that I knew it was over. I knew when it ended and that he had dumped her and she had been trying to get him back. I told her I knew she had called him leaving voice mails at work because he wouldn't talk to her, and that she was crying and saying how much she missed him, etc. I asked her if she did have even a modicrum respect for herself. After all her experience with married men didn't she realized when she was being used and that she was not the type of woman a man leaves his wife for. I also reminded her that when her own H found out she was having an affair (pre her A with my H), that he wouldn't even consider trying to repair their marriage as he felt she was not worth it. When I left the XOW's that day, the last thing I said to her was that I had told her ex-H that both my H and I would be character witnesses in their upcoming legal battle over custody and money, etc. She said not a word. Again, I'm sure she was reeling from all the info I have. As I said above, when I left her house that day I was practically singing. Like I said, I am a very nonconfrontational person. I tend to just get very angry at being "wronged," but never stand up for myself. I still can't believe I drove to her house, walked up and knocked on her door, and told her she'd either talk to me now or I'd come back later! I feel so good about myself right now!!

When I got back to the family, I told H I'd been to see his girlfriend (boy, does he hate when I say that). I told him everything that was said. He was truely astounded! He couldn't believe I had done it. I asked him if he was mad or upset that I went to see her. He said something like he was pretty proud of me, and that it made him feel -- I can't remember exactly what he said cuz he kinda trailed off. I think he was trying to tell me that he didn't believe he meant that much to him that I'd put myself in that position.

Anyway, we talked about this stuff for two full days - the day before when I had gone at night and decided not to knock on the door, and then the day that I actually did it. A lot of stuff was said. Way too much to get all down here in print. Basically, he begged me to forgive him; said he was sorry for being so stupid and for hurting me so much; said he just wants to put it all behind us and move on; said he's afraid of me - afraid of the power I have over his future; afraid I'll end up hating him and deciding he's not worth the trouble.

Our anniversary was nice. H was very loving and tender. We spent the day walking the beach and talking (all good things). That night our best friends took us out for dinner. We didn't do the sex on the beach thing (we both said, gosh, we have this lovely moterhome with a comfortable bed. It's cold outside - sand - park rangers, etc.), but the evening was very romantic, sexy, and hot!!! [Big Grin] Actually, most of the week was like that. We were like two teenagers. Even the two "bad" days, H was all over me!!

So the week was very, very good in so many respects. I stood up for myself and my marriage. I came back from that "talk" with the XOW and told my H that "I'm a bad mother, and I don't need you or anyone." He laughed, thought it was a turn-on!!

I still have so much resentment about the past. I'd love to be able to leave it there, in the past, but right now I'm still struggling with all the emotions that my H's betrayal bring up in me.

I'm being summoned again. H stuck his head in earlier and asked if I was telling everyone (meaning you all) about the week. I said, "You bet." He's okay with that. I've told him how much it helps to vent here. He's glad to let you guys take the brunt of it for him [Wink] .

More later,

M