Hopefully, some of you will remember me. I would link my old, but I frankly don't know how. I left this forum and went to "I'm Thinking About Leaving" so if you want to catch up,please feel free to find my posts there.
I went to that forum because I didn't think I could stay with my H. Not because he hasn't tried to piece, but because I couldn't seem to get past his A and it just wasn't healthy for me. I came to the conclusion that I was too damaged and it wasn't in my best interest to stay. Sometimes, I still feel that way but most of the time, me and my H are really good together. The only thing that I believe he does frequently is to lie to me. In the grand scale of things, they are pretty insignificant lies, but nonetheless lies. Oh well, enough of the negative, let me share some of the positives.
We have been enjoying our time together, we fish just about every weekend and loving it. But the real thing that touched me was that yesterday, before we went fishing, he bought a CD - Greatest Hits of Bread. The song came on and he started singing it to me, with his heart. It was "I would give anything I own, give up my life, my heart, my home, I would give anything I own, just to have you back again" Boy, that was a turning point for me! I have to try to make my M work, there is no way that I would ever find grass greener than what I have now.
Am I still hurt, oh yeah, am I over the pain of the A, not completely, but I know that I have to work through this on my own, he can't do any more than what he is already doing, so now it's up to me. Do I want my M, or do I want to dissolve it? I know the answer to that, I want my M, so I'm going to do what I can to salvage it. I'm ready to do the "hard" work. For the first time in a year and two months, I feel that I have some clear direction.
I am truely hoping for a better future. The past has sucked for me so why in the world would I want to live there? How stupid is that?
One more thing, we went to the early service yesterday before we went out in the boat and the sermon was on "unforgiveness" Per the sermon, remember the Bible verse, the Wages of Sin is Death? Unforgiveness is a sin. And if you choose not to forgive you will have some death, albeit the death of a M, relationship with children, relationship with family, whatever it is that that you don't unforgive. Again, it spoke volumes to me.
I just wanted to share my most recent journeys with you all.
