Still getting over it!!

[matilda]

HI EVERYONE!!! I'm back

I actually missed you all here! I've been doing a little reading and catching up, and I hope to post replies to other threads later.

Well, here goes. (I've had a very strong cocktail recently, so please forgive my grammer and writing). Our 10 days at the beach was interesting, to say the least. The first part was really, really nice. Friends from up north came and stayed with us, and I so love spending time with them. We only see each other 2-3 times a day, and I love them dearly. We had a great time. With the three families who regularly get together and our extended families and friends, we must have had 25-30 people for Easter dinner (and most of the weekend).

Well, by Monday a lot of people had gone home, and our best friends were gone during the day, commuting back and forth to work. Our kids had several friends each staying with them, and there were tons of kids and families from our community there for Spring Break. So, needless to say, things were lively.

And then - Tuesday. I went into town twice by myself on Tuesday and ran into the EOW twice! What luck. The first time was at the market and I wasn't really sure it was her. I knew what kind of car she drove, but not the color or anything. A few hours later I was wandering around through the antique stores and I saw her come out of the gym. This time I was pretty sure it was her. Same car as before, and I had seen her once before months ago, but she is pretty nondiscript, so not really easy to pick out. By that second time I'd had it! I knew trouble was brewing. I needed to confront her

I went back to our motorhome and told H that I thought I had seen her and that I was going over to her house to confront her. He, of course, told me to do whatever I needed to do. I had a rather strong drink and got in the car and drove over there (H tried to stop me after realizing I had been drinking, but was unsuccessful. I know, I know. Bad move. You don't have to tell me that). Anyway, I found her house, which is rather secluded, and went up the steps to the door. It was dark by then. No curtains on the front door (glass window in front door) or any of the windows. So I stood there and looked in. Her kids were there, and I just couldn't bring myself to knock on the door. I didn't think they deserved to know what a loser their mother was. I just really didn't want them involved, so I left. Mind you, this was after standing there for probably 10 minutes imagining my H walking through that door and heading for her bedroom. Horrible images that I put myself through.

I went back to our motorhome and eveyone was in an uproar. The kids were very worried about me. Why did mom leave like that. What's going on. 17-year-old son went for a walk with me to try to find out what was going on. I said there were some things that were personal and not to be discussed with my kids. He was really good about accepting that. He asked if dad knew what was the matter. I said yes, and he dropped it.

The fact that I had "wimped out" the night before was driving me crazy. I am a very nonconfrontational person, and I felt I had really let myself down. I really needed this woman to see me and realize there were consequences to pay for her actions. So I went back over there early in the afternoon! Let's all remember. This person lives only about 3-4 miles from where we stay at the beach.

Anyway, I knocked on the door and a young lady (early teens) kind of motioned "Just a minute." So I waited. I heard the back door open and close. I think the coward was trying to run away. Finally the girl returned and said that the OW didn't know who I was (said this through the door). I said, "Oh, she knows me." I told her my name, and I said "If she doesn't want to talk to me now, I'll come back later." Next thing I know, the EOW came outside to talk to me. I was so calm, you guys. Where before my heart had been pounding before I had worked up enough nerve to walk up to her door, I was deadly calm.

I told her who I was and that I had called her several times and given her the opportunity to answer my questions over the phone, but since she had not replied I felt it was necessary to see her in person. You should have seen the look on her face . Honestly, it was priceless. I will never forget the look of sheer terror as she kept her hand on the knob of the door, and I just reclined very lazily against the porch rail.

Her first response to me was, "It is very inappropriate for you to be here." I laughed in her face. I said, "Inappropriate? You have the gall to tell me what's inappropriate? You were screwing my H. Don't you think that is a bit more inappropriate than this?" Well, that shut her up except for continually saying, "It's over. It's over. Please forgive me. Haven't you ever made a mistake that you needed to be forgiven for?"

The conversation was about 20 minutes long, and I can't remember it verbatim. Basically, told her that I knew it was over; that my H was still sick over what he done and that he can't even stand her name to be mentioned; and that really I just wanted answers to a couple questions and then I never wanted to see her sorry ass again. I told her I was not there to hurt her the way she and my H had hurt me. I told her I had been there the night before, seen her kids, and because I love kids I decided to return when they were not home. I told her I wished she and my H had the same compassion for H's and my kids. I got the answers (I think) to some of the questions I had - like when it all stared, ended, etc. There were many other things I would have liked to ask, but it all went out of my head at that point. I hate that. I think of the really important things later.

Oh, she told me when she starting pursuing my H it was because she was lonely and had that "I didn't know what she'd been through, and all the issues she had in her life." I told her I knew much, much more about her than she could ever imagine. I let her in on a few details of what I knew. Oh, the look on her face was priceless. I asked her if she loved my H at that time. She said she cared very much for him. I asked if she really thought he'd leave me for her. She kind of stammered and said she didn't know what she wanted at that point (lies, lies, lies). She was constantly telling him that she hoped they had a future together. At the beginning when I told her I wasn't there to hurt her like she'd hurt me, she said there were things she could tell me that would hurt me. I said, "I doubt it very much. H has told me everything. There is nothing more you could say that would hurt me." I then proceeded to fill her in on what I knew. She was dumbfounded . I think she finally was getting it that my H had no feelings for her whatsoever; that he had not tried to protect her privacy in anyway; and that he loved me and wanted to do whatever it took to make things right with us.

There's probably more that I'm not remembering at this point, and if I do I'll write about it later. The best thing is that I stood up for myself. I confronted this person and let her know that she was not getting away with anything. I loved the look of fear in her eyes when we were talking. It gave me my power back. The rest of the week I walked around town like I owned it! When I left there, I was smiling and almost burst out laughing. I was so damn proud of myself. Really, it was the best thing I've done for myself in months.

I have to go eat. H and kids are bugging me to get off the computer. I have so much more to say, I'll be back ASAP.

Love to all. I'm s-o-o-o proud of myself