Matilda I feel that the most pain a person can inflict upon their spouse is to have an affair. I was in your shoes and have felt the pain. I love my wife and can't make excuses. In my situation I was a good huasband and a good provider. Just that some SOB was a better listener than I and, well, a 2 month affair occured. I didn't kill anyone, though I wanted to to. Anyway, I was able to get over the hurtful pain, after I asked my wife to attend a Retrouvaille weekend. I feel the biggest benefit you may receive from this, is an understanding that you are not alone in your pain, hurts, distrust, etc. I have not, since attending 2 months ago, blurted out a sarcastic OM comment, which is so destroying in a reconcilliation process. I now have a relationship with my wife of 16 years, that I must admit is different, but extremely peacefull and loving. In my case, just that simple 15+ minutes a day of undivided attention has mades a huge difference. I know what you mean about the e-mails, that was a topic of discussion with us also. After I stopped bringing it up, the e-mails came along with the phone calls. Also, my wife calls me by my first name (not he or him), which was a hot topic for quite a while. Matilda, the pain does lesson, never forgotten, but it does heal with time. If not for the Retrouvaille weekend, I would still be where it sounds you are. I'll be thinking of you and I'll add a few prayers your way.
