I have aspirations of taking up a thread over here and check out what's going on fr time to time. I noticed that sage Andy referenced my thread so I thought I say hello.
Debra, that guy has to go through a recovery period from the affair. Did he do closure--end all contact (cell phone, email, chit-chat in the hall, etc?. Depending on how long he was involved will determine how long it takes him to get over the fantasy--the emotional "love"--whatever it was that the affair emotionally fulfilled. Our C said that my H had to "grieve the ending of a relationship". In their situation, she was the one who ended the A.
You HAVE to detach from this. To the best of your ability, that is. For some of us that means avoiding OR talks at all costs. For others (me), the OR talks served as a rekindling of stagnated communication.
In my sit, it is time to back off and watch the seeds grow.
We're 6 months into recovery (count 1 month for every year of marriage)and H finally did closure. I think it's set us back to square one because it "hurt" when he said good-bye. She's fresh in his emotions; I have to be patient.
I'll be rereading DB while my H is on travel this next week. I'm revamping my goals. It amazes me how I receive new meanings and lessons fr Michele each time we make it over one of the bumps in the relationship.
Oh. . .expect and accept that your H will not feel those 'loving feelings' for you. He had to squash them so that he could bond w the OW.
I'm learning (thanks to Andy) that it's the actions not the words that will demonstrate H's return of caring.
I never thought I'd say this but ILY now seems so very cliche.
Good luck and chin-up!
My mantra: I will be strong; I will be dignified; I will be competent.
If that fails, there's always chocolate (just joking, I can't have it)
