My H never left our home. He does so many 'right' things which are indications that there's hope for the rekindling of those loving feelings toward me.
In our situation, the OW ended the relationship. She told H that "it wasn't working yada yada yada. . .we'll talk later." H used to keep saying that they'd be talking (hope springs eternal). We went through a crisis of the cell phone bill and her having surgery . W the cell phone, H said it wasn't personal conversation, just setting up who would pick up what for the coffee mess. It was hard to believe but then he was so upset when he told me that he'd found out after the fact that she'd had surgery. I asked him how he felt and he dropped a plate (he never drops things) and as he picked up the broken pieces he said, "I feel a sense of loss of control". At that point he seemed to go into a mild depression or funk which lasted for a month. Still no sign of that "we'll talk having or going to happen". It was about this time that I realized that the woman had dumped him! I guess I'd been in shell shock. Somewhere in here I set a boundary that there would be no more affairs. I was giving our R everything I had and would not be able to go through it twice.
Anyways, baby steps were made. C challenged him at one point, saying she thought he did love me. Huge steps backward. C didn't know that he done a private farewell to OW. At least, I have to consider it private cause he's supposed to tell me if they talk and he only had it logged in his book that he'd said good-bye and it hurt. Our books tell us that if S contacts OP then it sets recovery back to 0. I wish H had realized it was really over months ago but at least he's moving on now. I figure that it will be June before he will be able to put action to the verb and BE loving toward me.
I'd say get your W home asap. The sooner she can break fr OM the sooner her recovery can begin and progress. Figure the recovery to last approx as long as the A. The books say that the M relationship recovery equals 1 month for each year of M. I have no idea if these recovery periods overlap or if you have to complete the A recovery before the R recovery kicks in.
I know that the baby steps we've made have been positive. I know that the R talks occured on "her time". Now as I wait for him to look toward me, I am going to try to focus on me and feel like I'm done w the R talks. I am walking away from the past with my head up and fairly light-hearted. I want to be relaxed and cheerful and really upbeat as H goes through this last round of A recovery.
In all honesty, I still wonder "where" she is in all this. I can only hope that she has really moved on. I hope she's working on her marriage. If she isn't, and she's out of my marriage, then she's messing in someone elses.
Maybe when your W comes home, it will signal the end to the OM. He needs to move on. I'm thinking here that if your W ended the A then it would be healthy if she could say to the OM that he should move on, it was over.
