Thanks for your words of wisdom. I do truly want to rebuild and I want her home. I will do my best to try to get her home, but I do need to have some boundaries, like her ending contact with the OM.
We went out last night and had a good time together. We had breakfast this morning and had a talk about her moving at the end of the month. She admitted that she has been talking to the OM and that ending things were harder than she expected. I listened to her. She said she feels like she needs to be alone while she gets through this. She said she did not want to give up an 11 yr marriage to the father of her children and would like try to re-build. She said she knows the OM and her can never be but is struggling. She introduced me last night as her “Dear Friend” which is good. She said she need to feeling like she wanted to hug and kiss me and I agreed that I need the same. I told her my patience will run out as sometime and I will know when that is.
She told me to just be myself. She said she loves everything about me but …..? I asked but what? And she said I don’t know. She doesn’t have that “I love feeling”! She said when I told her last week that I needed some affection from her she felt like the walls were closing in on her. BACK OFF is the message. I apologized and told her I could sense her uneasiness from this. She said I shouldn’t feel bad about it since it is how I feel about the R. She said she didn’t know why she felt as she did, but she did.
I told her that all I needed from her right now was honesty and I would not pressure for anything more. I told her that until she got through getting over the OM, I did not expect her feeling for me to change. She said she did understand how I could want to work things out after what she did to me and how I could be with someone who didn’t care about my feelings. I told her that was my struggle to deal with and it wasn’t just her and I needed to worry about but it effected an entire family.
So for now, I need to back off and detach. Be myself and take care of myself. I will try to get her to move back in. She needs to decide by later this week.
