Lily, My H was unhappy for many years prior to "the bomb". I was in denial and attributed his unhappiness to his personality and our extremely stressful lifestyle. I made my own happiness with friends and activities and we started to live parallel lives. Because on some level. I was was aware of the fragility of my H, I was afraid of marriage counseling and never pushed it.(He would have resented the hell out of it, if I had forced it)
When he finally said he wanted out..he meant it! He refused meds and counseling as both were too threatening to his ego. You see he thought "I was his problem". He went to therapy a couple of times as we tried out two counslors(he couldn't stand either one),but he recoiled at at the thought of trying to work things out. It was then I dropped attempts to to fix him and "us" and went to work on myself. I attended marriage therapy by myself, for many months and took antidepressants for a while to help deal with "his craziness". I sought support,24/7 from my many friends on this board and followed Michele's guidelines/recommedations. My "solo" efforts not only saved my own sanity ,but my marriage emerged from the ashes and my H "woke up".. There is a lesson to learn in all of this, I invite you to think about it, Lily.
