Thanks for letting me know that there are others who seem to be able to work things out. I think people that have been in our position need to know that although it is probably the most difficult thing to get through, you can get through it. I wish that my kids had never known about thier father's affair. My older son heard my husband's confession. I think that both boys felt the tension that had been going on between us for the many months that my husband had been having the affair, but even though I suspected, my H denied it. When he finally told me that he wanted out of our marriage and was going to move in with his "soul mate", my son overheard and was really traumatized by it. Up until this happened, my H and I , I thought, were very happy and had a strong relationship. We were very affectionate with each other and with the kids. Then, in a flash, we all of a sudden "had nothing in common" and he "never really loved me"...sound familiar? We tried to shield our younger son from it, but our older son said he had a right to know and if we didn't tell him that he would. It was a terribly difficult time and one that I really would not like to repeat ever. For many months, and even to this day, If my H and I disagree about something, I can see that my younger son is a little stressed. We have explained to him that even though sometimes we don't like something the other person does or says, that we always love each other and so we will always kiss and make up. One ting I have found since this all happened is that we don't allow things to stew...that we will talk about things as they come up. Also, if there is a disagreement, one of is is more likely to say I'm sorry so much more quickly and get it over with (sometimes it's him, sometimes it's me). We have determined that if it isn't a big thing, let it go. Why get into a fight if the outcome isn't going to matter in a week, a day or an hour? Anyway, the lessons I have learned along the way have been tremendous, and I'm still learning. And I'm still reading Michele's book often so that I don't forget that a marriage is something that is nurtured and tweaked. Isn't it funny how some people work harder on their flower gardens than we do on their marriages? Karen
