It's been such a long time since I have posted anything and there are very few that I see here that were on three years ago when i needed it most. I visit from time to time, but I just wanted to let everyone know that there is always hope and how you conduct yourself during this most difficult time makes all the difference in the world.
The period of time that my husband was having an affair would have put me over the deep end had I not found this website and subscribed to the teachings of Michele's Divorcebusting. Somehow there was strength that I thought had long since gone. During my marriage, I lost a lot of my identity. I had been a strong, independent person with a good career and a lot of ambition. When I got married, I was satisfied to let my husband do things for me and I became a very boring person. I found myself again during that period of time and have vowed not to get lost again. It might seem unbelievable to many, but his affair was probably the best thing that ever happened to us. I'm not sure if I would have waken up had it not happened, and I'm not sure that he would have realized the treasures he has at home.
We are closer today than we have ever been before. He cherishes me and our family and I am thankful for every moment we have together.
An affair is a very difficult event to go through. I found that because we started our relationship devoted to each other and the sanctity of our vows, that we just had to find that again. We had children who were also involved here, they are now 12 and 15. So I had to keep it together for them and myself..no easy task. When an affair strikes, each person involved thinks that they are hurt the most. But if you can forget about who is getting hurt and figure a way to fix it, things may get better.
I just want you to know that if kids are involved you must be very careful. I have always heard that kids are resilient and will adapt. I had an incident with my older son just a few months ago. He was quiet and seemed distressed. After taking the dog for a walk for over 2 hours, he finally broke down and said he had stuff in his head that he had to get out. When I asked his what stuff he said...Remember the time dad cheated on you? He lied to me. He always said he would never lie to me. So even though we worked things out, never separated, and are happy, some kids are more sensitive than others. Kids aren't as resilient as we might think, so always keep their best interest at heart.
I guess I have rambled on enough. Patience, truth, commitment and love. Those are the things that kept us together. Looking back, I don't know where I mustered up the strength, I'just thankful for the outcome.
Karen