When I express a desire or opinion, I have to brace myself for a personal attack from W. Therefore, I have to be careful how I word things, and be ready for misinterpretation. If I don’t express my desires/opinions, then W either assumes I don’t have ‘em or assumes I’m bottling up my feelings to unload them on her at a later time.
How frustrating this must be for you!
This is just a thought. I wonder if you might want to try "echoing" i.e.whatever she says you say "It sounds like------" or "If I got it you said---------"
I have found this to be immensley helpful.
Your W's perception may be that she has to go on the attack to make sure you have heard. I know I used to do it.
With echoing the other person knows you have heard 'cos you are repeating back. It doesn't mean you have agreed/disagreed with her..just heard her.
When I started doing this my H changed dramatically.It seemed I hadn't been listening all that time
It IS somewhat contrived and doesn't always feel natural....anyway I'm rambling just thought I'd throw that out there.You are probably already doing it if I think I know you
Andy BTW I do so agree with you. In ALL walks of life and with all the people we deal with... we DO have to think about what comes out of our mouths.For the longest time I didn't..I'm learning how to.
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