Thanks for dropping by Matilda and Kent. And, of course a thank you to Esperanza, FS and Duchess, too.
Been thinking about “but don't you get tired thinking about every word that comes out of your mouth.” To be honest, I’ve always thought out what I have to say before saying it. If I’m in any doubt about hurting someone’s feelings, I may choose to not say it at all. This is especially true if what I have to say could be misconstrued as critical or hurtful. I do this for anyone I talk to. For me, it’s common courtesy.
I’m a strong believer that we should extend our spouses at least the same level of courtesy that we would any other person.
The big difference is the level of importance attached to my feelings relative to my W compared to any other person. I may have an opinion on someone else’s behavior, but my W’s behavior directly affects me. I cannot, nor should I just “shut up” whenever my W does something I disagree with. We’re supposed to be a team. We are supposed to cooperate on a lot of things. And, despite her contrary behavior, W says she agrees with this.
For me, the only people whose opinion of me counts is my immediate family. My W and my kids. The only people who I have to cooperate with on personal matters are my W and kids.
When I express a desire or opinion, I have to brace myself for a personal attack from W. Therefore, I have to be careful how I word things, and be ready for misinterpretation. If I don’t express my desires/opinions, then W either assumes I don’t have ‘em or assumes I’m bottling up my feelings to unload them on her at a later time.
That’s what I’m tired of, Matilda.
Is she testing me? Possibly. Or, perhaps she’s just trying to stop me from opposing her by moving to the attack. The best defense is a good offense.
Matilda, I’m trying to keep my chin up, but every time I think things are getting better, it seems like nothing’s changed. At times, I really wonder if things’ll ever get better.
Sunday, after our motorcycle blowout, W started thinking in terms of letting me buy my own motorcycle. Not a new one like hers, but perhaps a “learner”. And, like I posted before, she backtracked on letting me take the course. She also mentioned to the kids – in passing – that she was “neglecting papa lately.”
Does she believe this, or is she just trying to placate me? I don’t know. Should I just let it all slide off of my back? I hear Kent saying, “Just let her work on her own issues.” But, her issues are inextricably interwoven with mine.
I don’t think I’m overanalyzing things. Just trying to figure out how to make my desires and opinions known w/o seeming to stomp all over W’s. Just trying to figure out how we can learn to “play together.”
