I guess the next step to acting as-if is believing as-if. In other words, acceptance of what we can’t change.
You act as-if something doesn’t bother you until you can “manage to find the time/place/method of broaching the subject in a non-threatening way.” Then you broach the subject, and if there is no solution forthcoming, accept it.
Sounds simple, doesn’t it. But… if you’re talking about your spouse’s behavior, you know they can change it if they want to! How do you accept it when they won’t change their behavior?
The tough part is accepting our spouse’s weaknesses.
Growth is a detox process, as our weakest, darkest places are sucked up to the surface in order to be released. Often, upon seeing the weaknesses in each other, we have the tendency to go "Yuck!" and walk away on some level. But often it is not a change in partners but rather a change in perception that delivers us to the love we seek. When we shift our view of the purpose of intimacy -- from serving our own needs as we define them to serving a larger process of healing -- then an entirely new opportunity presents itself. Our wounds have been brought forward, not to block the experience of love, but to serve it. It is in the forgiveness of our weaknesses that we are healed of them, and the tenderness of a forgiven heart is a tenderness that will ultimately heal the world.
--From Enchanted Love : The Mystical Power of Intimate Relationships, by Marianne Williamson. � February 2001
