I'm rereading DB. What you are doing is making the solution the problem. You internalize 'til you can't hold it in and then blow; and are frustrated when that doesn't bring resolution. It doesn't work but you do it again and again and again. Your solution becomes part of the problem. Michele calls that "more of the same".
I spent about 14 years of our 28 year marriage internalizing then blowing. I always -ALWAys-felt better afterwards 'cause I'd cleared the air. What I was clueless about was that my H wasn't listening and was just agreeing w me to get me to shut-up.
So-o-o-o-o-o-o. . .guess who isn't doing any internalizing until she blows anymore?
I'd like to encourage you to think of 'something' different.
Probably your behavior affects his behavior and his behavior affects your behavior. It doesn't matter who started it , you are doing that circular loop Michele talks about. What small change could you introduce that would be a different reaction on your part. Remember the butterfly effect?
