My W is a stay-at-home mom. Ever since our first child was born 16 years ago, she has had no financial input. She’s been the emotional caretaker for the entire family. She often told me that she felt all of the “un’s” that you described. I’ve always told her that despite what society may think about her role, I’ve always considered it vital. Maybe those were only empty words to her.
Her life with me has always been stressful. Four kids; the youngest being autistic. Except for the period of time when I was clinically depressed, I don’t believe that I’ve contributed to her stress to a large degree, but in retrospect, I should have done more to alleviate it. Maybe I leaned on her to fulfil my needs at a time when her needs were greater.
Also in retrospect, her hormones have been a factor. Several years ago, I had to rush her to hospital because her entire body felt like it was on fire. I mentioned this on another thread, and I believe it was Wintergirl who told me… Thyroid!
Well, every doctor she saw patted her on the head, sent her home, and told her it was nothing. The only doctor who gave her an explanation was an MD/acupuncturist who told her that her body was rebelling against the demands that I was putting on her. He said that men were takers, and I was no different.
About 1 � years ago, she started to “change.” I thought so, the kids thought so, but W didn’t think so.
Lily, like you, my W is a fix-it-yourselfer. I don’t believe she’ll have her hormones tested. After all, if her hormones are fluctuating, it’s only a natural change that women go through. If there’s a problem, it’s my ability to adapt to this.
So. Has her perception changed because of hormones? I think it probably has, and W probably recognizes this. Is it hormonal imbalance or the natural progression of her personality to which I must adapt?
I don’t know. All I know is that I’m having an hard time adapting. I also know that I have no choice.
Blame doesn’t enter into it. It’s just the way things are.
